this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2024
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I don't think the recipient wants to know the specific mental state of the sender. Presumably, the person is already dealing with a lot, and it's unlikely they're spending much time wondering what friends not going through it are thinking about. Grief and stress tend to be kind of self-centering that way.
The intent to comfort is the important part. That's why the suggestion of "I don't know what to say, but I'm here for you" can actually be an effective thing to say in these situations.