Medical Advice

Lmao!

So, some patients are bed bound, or only have limited ability to be elsewhere.

One of the biggest reasons for that in facilities is called contracture. Basically, all the muscles draw up and can't unbend without serious difficulty. It's a fairly common thing post stroke.

This can result in both the patient and the caregiver having to do some difficult and awkward work for bathing and other personal care.

In that case, the guy was in really bad shape. Knees drawn up to his chest, but the spine twisted, and his arms locked in the way of turning. So, obviously, any personal care meant I had to be right there, up close and in contact. One arm holding him in position, the other doing the work of (at the time it happened) bathing his butt. To be able to achieve this, I had to pull up a chair, use my left arm to hold him in position, and kinda lean in so that it minimized how much stress was being put on his back. The would cause him less pain both during and after than other options, despite being harder to do.

Now, the guy was incontinent, but could feel things happening, so he said he was going to poop. But you can't just drop him because if I had, his head would have hit the bed rails due to positioning. That's not a good thing, this poor guy had so many cuts and skin tears because of how severe his contractures were. He'd fallen out of shower chairs because he'd just slip out of the belt that was supposed to keep him in.

Anyway, he gives me warning, and the poop I had just cleaned was relatively firm. Mushy, but all in one piece. So I just leaned back some and supported him until I heard the first rumble and spatter. That's when I knew it was going to be wet. But even if I had just let go, I was wedged in close by the chair. So I'm trying to let him down gently, stand up, and get out of the way at the same time.

His bowels were not waiting, and I got hit by a handful of warm, sticky, smelly goop. My glasses caught enough that I couldn't see anything else. My mouth was closed, but it was running off my nose and lips.

It was not a pleasant thing.

I get him down as best I can, and stumble to the sink in the bathroom. Poop washes off pretty easy, even when you have a beard. But you still don't feel clean lol. But it did take a while to get it all off. I did though. Then I finished cleaning him, and went to the desk and told the charge nurse I was taking a damn shower. By that point, all I could smell was soap, it was dial antibacterial because that's what was in the dispensers, but my brain was still screaming at me lol.

I was 18. This was maybe a month or two after I had started working at the facility, and I had managed up to that point to not get poop past the elbows.

But the guy was so upset. He was crying and apologizing, and I'm in the bathroom scrubbing while trying to console him without opening my mouth.

After everything got handled, and I was clean, it was pretty damn funny. And I made sure to let him know that I thought it was hilarious on my end. He was such a sweet guy.

But holy hell, that hot splat of butt mud was memorable :)