this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2024
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Online dating is so shit for the majority of hetero dudes. You're lucky if you match with somebody, luckier if you get to have some kind of discussion that doesn't end after a few messages, even luckier if it ends in a date, amazingly lucky if anything physical happens, and incredibly lucky if it turns into a relationship.
Men are expected to initiate, keep the discussion alive, ask out, keep the woman entertained, and be grateful they were chosen. It only gets worse online.
Don't forget rule #1: be attractive, or rule #2: don't be unattractive
That's how I found out I might be a little attractive. Lots of stories about apps being ghost towns and it being hard to talk to people. I didn't struggle much to talk to people, went on dates and found my now fiancee that way.
You're one of the lucky few. I bet online apps are great for attractive dudes with lots of great pictures lol.
I tried Tinder & Bumble for a few months. Out of the 15 or so matches I got, 13 were fake profiles or lived on the other side of the world. 1 I messaged but she never replied. And the last 1 messaged me a total of 3 times before she stopped talking.
Waste of fucking time. Deleted my profiles and got off there before I began to feel bad about myself.
Yea I definitely count my lucky stars. I also didn't use the main dating apps and stuck with smaller more social dating apps. Found my now fiancee on Boo. Which is marketed as a friend's and dating app. Never bothered with tinder or the other huge ones.
Even then dating apps are terrible. You have to pay extra just to essentially get the basic service. The free stuff basically doesn't do anything
Online dating is shit for everyone
-a trans lesbian
Hey, wanna go out some time?
Happy for all four of you
This is partly because the apps suck (because of capitalism/profit motive) and partly because we all suck.
Many people of all genders won't do better than "hey". And then complain that they're not having good experiences. Sometimes it's garbage in, garbage out, my dudes.
I also get a lot of weird dead ends. Their profile will be like "I love elden ring". You'll be like "elden ring is a masterpiece! Did you play the new expansion yet?" They'll be like "no". End of messages. My dude. That's not how this works. In real life, fine, maybe you can give a short answer and see what they do, read some body language. But in an asynchronous text only communication? That's not pulling your weight. And if you're not actually interested, just unmatch. If you don't have time , don't reply at all. It's async. Come back later.
Maybe some of these people match with each other and are very happy with "what's up?" "nm u?" "Im good" forever.
this power imbalance is bad for everyone as well, if you meet up with someone via these (if are not male presenting), there is a concerningly high chance that you get sexually assaulted, I am terrified how common this seems to be among the women I've talked to
Male presenting? What does that mean?
I think they mean if you're a woman (trans or cis), it can be terrifying to meet with people. At least that's how I interpreted it.
Edit: Perhaps they are also talking about non-binary people, which is why they chose the words "not male presenting".
In addition to what the other posters said, even merely being a skinny twink (insufficiently male-presenting) is dangerous in some places
To be fair, real-life dating is also shit.
Through friends is the way to go.
How is this possible if 50% of the couples meet online? Are you in the US and using one of the major dating apps?
When you go to a friend's bday party, try not approaching any women and not striking a conversation. How many times will you be approached. Report us your results.