this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2024
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One time I heard a duck in the kitchen. Quacking up a storm. Quack quack quack quack quack.
This was quite startling, since I don't have a pet duck, and there's no reason a duck should be in my home.
So I go into the kitchen, and I see no duck. The quacking stopped once I started walking to the kitchen. What I DO see is my sweet little cat. Just staring up at me from the midfle of the kitchen, like "S'up?"
I start looking in cabinets, and closets, inside the oven, behind the fridge. There was no duck. There never was a duck. I eventually begrudgingly accepted that was my cat making duck noises. She hadn't done that in the previous 6 years, and never did it again the rest of her life. And she never had any concept that her making duck noises was weird.
I even checked the windows to see if maybe the duck was outside, the windows were closed. There WAS NO DUCK.
It's been over 20 years. It still messes with me, that there never was any duck. That it was my cat the whole time. She was a sweet cat, who loved everybody.......but I'll never be 100% sure there isn't some duck conspiracy I know nothing about.
But she was a sweet cat.
Adorable.
Can you pay the cat tax by providing an image of said cat? :)
We had a very special cat who did a lot of chirping and trilling, and at night in the summer we'd keep the back door open with the glass screen door shut, and all sorts of animals could come by and she'd watch them and make various excited noises to let me know when animals were around.
Possums, raccoons, other cats, groundhogs, they all brought excited trills to let me know we had a nocturnal visitor.
One night she was making agitated sounds, but before I got there to see what it was, she made a clear as day "uh-oh" sound, but with a meow. I hurried over to see a fox staring down through the glass at her, while she stared back nervously. Never heard the "uh-oh" before or after except that night.
Weird? No. Just a cat.
(Who may have ate the duck to hide the evidence,)
No......it's not that. We DID have a mouse one time. I know this because I fed my cat her wet food one day, and then I walk out of the kitchen. Suddenly my cat runs over and meows at me, kind of waving her front paw in a kicking motion for some reason.
Usually that wouldn't have been concerning. But RIGHT after I put her wet food down??? Something was clearly wrong. It's like Charles Ramsey said years later "Pretty white girl comes running into a black mans arms? Somethings wrong here. Dead giveaway."
Except replace pretty white girl with my cat, replace black man with me, and add the context that fresh wet food was just put down.
My cat runs into my arms away from her food bowl at feeding time? Somethings wrong. Dead giveaway.
So when I walked into the kitchen, I see my cat looking sad at her food bowl as a mouse sits in it, and eats all the food. My cat is looking at me like "DOOOOOO SOMETHIIIIIIIINGGGGGGG!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!" And I looked at her, and said "why are you looking at me? Its a mouse. You're a cat. You're always begging for more food. That right there is free protein. Go nuts. Eat it all. And she looked at me sad and pathetic.
So i put on 2 oven mitts on each hand, wrapped the second hand in barbed wire, and carefully picked up the whole food dish. Opened a window, and threw the food dish, mouse and all out the window......
Then I got a paper plate and gave my cat a fresh dose of wet food to replace what I just threw out the window.
I said to her "you're lucky you're cute, because you clearly aren't helpful." She didn't care. She was munching down her wet food. Plus she doesn't speak english.
Apex predator, right there.
So apex, they get another apex predator to do their bidding!
(Kitty is awesome!)