Technology

Exactly, I liked getting free premium sometimes. One of the very few, possibly only things I'd see in my inbox and feel happy about.

Oh, an award? On what comment? That one! Who gave it to me? Let's thank them! Oh, free premium for a month? Awesome!

Funny they'd do away with them bc those were almost the only things in the inbox that brought joy. All of the rest was:

1: you have been permanently banned from participating in r/Everything-Ever because you made an innocuous comment on a sub that differs from our ideology. You can appeal this but we'll probably just ignore your Nazi ass.

2: Reply from u/NothingBetterToComplainAbout: "Um, okay, so you said that you "Spazzed out". Glad you've outed yourself as an ableist prick that hates people with epilepsy!"

3: Reply from u/Sensitive: "What a fatphobic fuck you are. Completely ignoring that the majority of obese people are that way due to genetic factors? It has NOTHING to do with diet or exercise and they were born this way!"

4: Reply from u/beatingAdeadHorse on AITA: Bruh, she had NO obligation to call an ambulance when her mother was having a heart attack. I don't care if she did beg for help, that doesn't magically bestow responsibility! (Clap) NO (CLAP) ONE (CLAP) HAS (CLAP) ANY OBLIGATION (CLAP!) TO HELP (CLAP!) ANYONE ELSE!! (CLAP!)

5: Reply from u/Political in r/politics: Apolitical? Ha, cought you undercover Nazi. No one is apolitical.

6: Message from r/MoreSubs: You have been permanently banned for saying the following: "Can straight men really be lesbians? That makes no sense?" - Note from moderation team: Delete yourself, anyone can be anything they say they are and you must allow your reality to be shaped by their imagination. It's not enough to call them by their preferred pronouns, you must accept it and believe it deep down in your heart, you vile piece of elephant shit we'll know if you're lying.

7: AWARD ENCLOSED: Someone has liked your comment so much that they've given it the "BEST COMMENT THROUGHOUT ETERNITY!" Award. This comment was handpicked by Jesus Christ himself as his favorite, which means, YOU are his favorite! Yes, this is literal confirmation that Jesus Loves you and you have been pre-accepted into heaven for an eternity of bliss! ALSO: You get one free month of Reddit premium, AD FREE! AND 750 coins of which you can use to pass on the blessings!

Message from award-giver: This is Jesus Christ, I love you my son. I have seen the woes in your inbox and admire your good works in spreading the message of God around Reddit. I can't wait to see you in heaven, my son, until then I will always be watching but don't worry, I've already accepted you into heaven so you won't fail and go to hell no matter what!

8: YOU PUECE YX ASSHOLE I HTE U!