this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2023
490 points (98.6% liked)

Asklemmy

44152 readers
1211 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I'll go first: "You have to have children when you're young," told to me when I was in my late 20s, with no desire to ever have kids, and no means to support them, by someone divorced multiple times with at least one adult child who does not speak to them.

Also: Responding to "How do I deal with this problem?" questions with "Oh, don't worry about it, it's enough that you're even thinking about it!"

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

"You need to love yourself, before you can love someone else"

[โ€“] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, good advice if it's for someone who's prone to build codependent relationships. Which still, no one but a professional therapist should be diagnosing.

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But It's in no way helpful advice to someone who is lonely or otherwise struggling. It's almost along the lines of "why don't you just cheer up".

Helpful advice would be something along the lines "I understand you are struggling, maybe it would be a good idea to check out therapy"

[โ€“] [email protected] -3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

That doesn't really say much though. "Never use cement to fill a pillow" is also crappy advice for someone that feels lonely but can be considered very good advice for someone thats considering filling their pillow with cement.

[โ€“] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[โ€“] [email protected] -2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What part do you not understand my friend?

[โ€“] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The cement thing probably, I haven't heard that one before either

[โ€“] [email protected] -1 points 1 year ago

Well I'm glad. Now you will not fill your pillow with cement. I guarantee you it will not become a more comfortable pillow if you fill it with cement.

[โ€“] JungleJim 4 points 1 year ago

I think it can be helpful as a first sentence, but it needs more. "By loving yourself, I mean treat yourself better. Get a style and work it. Work out occasionally. Eat better. Find a hobby. Find another. If you want somebody else to love you, you have to first take care of yourself or nobody will think you could take care of them. Secondly, you have to make yourself into a person that's interesting because anybody can be nice. You need more than nice. Third, having a life is how you meet people, and you gotta meet 'em before you can ask 'em out. That's why you have to love yourself first."