Asklemmy

This will seem like a weird tangent, but it is setting up some context.

I was taught as a young person to be humble, and to avoid making others feel bad for not being as good as me. So while Inwas always told I was special, I wasn't supposed to acknowledge out out loud to avoid being seen as bragging. This was either driven in or internalized to the point that compliments still make me feel uncomfortable because of a natural urge to dismiss them despite knowing they are being given in good faith.

Compliments given when I am not present seem more genuine to me, like they aren't just saying it to make me happy at the moment. Thise sre my favorite, hearing about someone telling someone else a positive thing about me.

It sounds like you have a kind of reverse situation, where you prefer to have something bad said about you in person and don't care about what is said when you aren't around. That kind of sounds like confidence in yourself being able to handle negativity, but not getting pleasure from compliments. It could be a coping mechanism, and that would be my first guess. The reason for your isolation would probably provide some context, but that would be better to discuss with a professional than the internet.