worker_bear

i imagine the meeting will go something like this....

i walk in, they are standing in their executioner garbs... hooded robes.... there is a giant space laser in the conference room by the big table..... the tell me stand over there.......... while they calibrate the laser..... i do as i am told..........

the laser is now calibrated..... my fate is sealed.... "your fate is sealed," breanne tells me..... "step over here, in front of the laser," brad says.............. they calibrate the laser....... "any last words?"....... "no...." i whisper..... "my life began in squallor.... this was the only way it could have ended...... ill conceived..... dishonorably te-" and then mid diatribe they just blast me through the wall and i am vaporized

i'm working and it's annoying. if you see me with my headphones on i'm in the middle of the a 2 hour podcast and it will be tedious to pause and/or rewind 18 seconds because you started saying something to me that was boring and some throwaway work-related aside about how you dont like your client or something

seriously, i know you dont get this but the youtube video i'm listening to is important to me and more important than anything you are going to say, i practically fucking guarentee it so just stop interupting

im serious, these spotify playlists took me like 11 and a half hours to organize and i really like this song and it was just crescendoing and now you've fucking interupted it so you could tell me it's time for you to stretch or whatever, seriously, stop talking to me I DONT CARE! OK??? IM SORRY, YES IM MEAN IM A MISANTHROPE I JUST WANT MY AUDIO TREATS STOP TALKING TO ME LEAVE ME LAOOOOOONE!!!!!

thank you

one of the funniest things i remember about the west coast hillary clinton crowd was exemplified through this interaction, which must have been the first night the MSNBC/CNN exclusive lib audience began to realize Trump had actually won. one of my roomates at the time - a greek PhD student (who surely came from money) and whos political views I would describe as “liberal progressive” (ardent Bernie supporter, didn't like HRC, but was more or less a standard liberal socdem) - was poking fun at one of his horrific petty bourgeois colleagues who was a die-hard Hillary/Warren stan; my greek roomate and I talked loudly about how every poll showed Bernie doing better than Hillary against Trump - his friend, (who was a guy, late 20s) in the middle of a psychotic rant about how not enough people voted for Hillary, walked to our fridge, opened the door, and seeing the one red bull I had bought for myself, as a treat, to get me through what i expected would be a difficult morning tomorrow - he grabbed it, and just slammed it right in front of us, mid rant, screaming about how “it was her turn” in the most quintessentially lib-entitled tones; just opened our fridge, grabbed the single red bull in the fridge, and slammed it without a second thought. I remember staring at him blankly. He didn’t even blink, just continued his rant.

it's so fucking funny, but this was a breakthrough moment for me where I realized, "oh, right - these are free to you at the billion dollar finance-tech amalgam you work for, you have no idea that I’m literally having an anxiety attack thinking about how I splurged on this $4 drink for once and you just gobbled it in front of me like a demon."

I would never, in a million years, assume if I saw a single Red Bull or "specialty" type drink in someone else's fridge that I could just help myself to it. like yes, we already all knew these people were the most entitled and out-of-touch children you will ever meet, but it kind of delights me that the “tell” that could give any of these creatures away, like the fucking creature in the Thing when you burn its blood, would be as simple as their lack of understanding of basic proletarian drink etiquette.

I still think about it to this day.

i was walking to work and felt something in my sweatshirt pocket so I reached into the pocket and it was a clove of garlic

this is the most italian thing that has ever happened to me