vamputer

Trying to describe to someone what a sick-ass drum solo sounds like through a cappella

Arson ❤️

So, the only way to beat Danny DeVito is to confuse him into thinking it's always sunny?

Sandwiches are named after a Welsh peasant dish that originally consisted of witch meat between two bricks of baked sand. It was terrible and offered little nutritional value, but was very popular due to the great availability of witch meat and lack of any real alternatives for nourishment.

🚨🚨🚨BLUE SKY EN ROUTE

Twice per sexual, since you technically can't have bisexual sex with just one partner.

Source: Am bisexual, but am also on the internet, so essentially I'm just guessing here

I always knew that "Gordon doesn't need to hear all this" conversation right before you go into the test chamber and fuck shit up never sat right with me

Always nice to know people are looking out for us, right?

Essentially telling a madman with hostages "yeah, do it, pussy. Bet you won't," just to see him reap the consequences, but conveniently forgetting state-wide consequences don't only affect the people you want them to affect.

Here's hoping it just turns out like the last time these jerkoffs talked about secession. Maybe, if we're lucky, we can finally get rid of Abbott. If we're really lucky, maybe his replacement won't be as psychotic, either!

As a Texan who wants nothing to do with these absolute fucking morons, but whose life is directly impacted by their asinine whims: please don't encourage them. I can't afford to leave yet.