i guess i assumed i was talking about people who are normal about porn. but i mean, idk, i think knowing a few actors you like isn't like... crazy? there's probably a certain level where you're too interested in it, right, but i don't think that's exclusive to porn
there's also a thought like... yeah, i do miss being partnered... but, i also kinda don't. like, i'm chill with it. part of it is that i have an absolutely bonkers sex drive and i'm probably better off regulating it on my own than with a partner and the baggage that comes with. and i don't think i want my sexuality to be something that exclusively belongs with another person, i like having it for myself sometimes. i like that it's sometimes not about intimacy
don't get me wrong, really good intimate sex is incredible. it's great. would love to have it again
i just don't miss it that much, at least not more than i suffer from a general touch deprivation. i miss it the same way i miss staring deeply into someone's eyes and holding their hand and kissing them. but i think you get that re: rather have a long makeout session nowadays (even if it still ends in sex)
i like the intimacy, but i also like that primal place where you're just fucking. and honestly i guess it's pretty hard for me to get to that place with another person nowadays, i don't really trust people to be really sensitive to their needs and willing to speak up for them... LMAO ofc due to past experience
but it's fine, i'm more or less content engaging in it with myself
and the porn helps with that, it's fun and i agree, i don't think i can ever know if it was made consentually, i can at least try to do some research and support things where people do interviews and seem genuine and whatnot
idk how good of a job i did like... engaging with your comment as opposed to just kind of rambling about my own shit. but i liked your post and i hope you like mine
ok gotcha thanks for clarifying lmaooo i felt so judged fr