Zero22xx

joined 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

I've used this handle online for around 7 years now. And I think I'm probably going to be retiring it too. Zero has served me well as an avatar but is also a bookmark in a chapter that I've already finished. I think I have a new robot in mind now that's more relevant to my current chapter in life and a better representative symbolically for me.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (1 children)

Gonna dump some further thoughts here because I can. I actually wish that you could post to your own profile here like on Reddit. I used to occasionally use that as a sort of journal space for stuff that I wanted to put out there but not saddle anyone else with (except for the random few people that followed me for some bizarre reason). Then usually delete later.

I think that, while I'm going to keep this account open, I'm probably going to start shopping around for a permanent for real home this time. But giving myself until (almost) the end of the month, to match my new cakeday with my real cakeday because why not, adds a little fun and I might as well make use of the timing.

Until then, I'm going to make sure that I've subscribed to every Blåhaj community that I want / need in my 'Subscribed' tab in future, for when I export/import settings. And get all of the stupid questions out of my system. And thoroughly research what I'm getting myself into with my new instance choice so that it can actually be permanent this time.

The reason this instance isn't for me is because of the downvotes thing (which I said I loved yesterday). Not because I want to downvote but because I want to see the downvotes elsewhere in Lemmy. I'm 100% in support of the idea and sentiment behind keeping them switched off here though. And if there was a better way to implement it, I would stay.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago

They make up a small fraction of men in South Korea, they just have loud voices and a bizarrely oversized influence, he argues.

I like the sound of this Minsung guy but this "small but loud minority" excuse is one that I've heard before, in the years leading up to the current socio-political climate here in the 'Western' world today.

If this is a small but loud minority, then it sounds to me like the large but silent majority needs to stand up and tell the small but loud minority to shut the fuck up and sit back down.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

Kiki's Delivery Service (could've been a little more than a week ago), When Marnie was There, The Tale of Princess Kaguya and currently about half way through Nausicaä of the Valley of Wind because I saw someone else here on Lemmy mention it. And I might throw in Pom Poko. I've watched all of the Ghibli movies before but the mood to rewatch a few took me.

Oh and also TNA Wrestling lmao.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 14 hours ago

Have a closer look :)

Oh! Fuck. To be honest, I didn't even want to take a look. That's definitely a relief and sorry for jumping to conclusions there.

As far as downvotes go I really get it. There's been one or two features that I've looked up and get the impression that development on this platform is fairly slow. I definitely get that this is the only way for it be implemented. Watch is a pity because it definitely has its drawbacks too.

Thanks for the response after I dug up this ancient post!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

English or history. They were both subjects in high school where I could not even study and just wing it with walls of text. As long as spelling and grammar and shit were good and in the case of history, being able to refer to key things from the text book occasionally, I was scoring in the 90s. I've gone a bit feral in that regard over the years since then but if my path was to be a teacher, I think that's what I would've gone for.

Just want to add that a big deciding factor in that as well is how cool my english and history teachers in high school were. A married couple that I honestly credit with helping shape certain good parts of who I am. I was honestly borderline anarchistic (definitely anti-authoritarian) in my writings and I think they liked it and nurtured it a little bit.

One moment that stuck with me that I never realised the significance of was my history teacher bringing up how schools have a hidden curriculum. How beyond being taught how to behave in society, it also enforces cultural things like one race's set of norms and standards or teaching boys to behave like boys and girls to behave like girls (which is a line I even specifically remember him using). And I remember being a little bit outraged about the idea of a hidden curriculum and this fucking guy smiled and kept the conversation going and told me more.

Here's to you Mr. and Mrs. Owen. They'd be pretty old if they were still alive. I'd be either an english or history teacher because of them.

Edit: just for extra context, for high school I went a boarding school in a very Christian and religious small town and it wasn't the best of times for me, to say the least. There were a couple of decent teachers but most are wrinkled up, mean, dogmatic pieces of shit in my memory. So these two teachers were special.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 17 hours ago

Or the right wing way is just to say one thing and do another thing. Honestly to me as a non-American, it's pretty weird that the right wingers have latched onto this 'free speech' thing and that everyone just goes along with it because to me, things like free speech and freedom of expression always seemed like liberal or left wing ideals.

These guys talk about free speech, then burn a pile of schoolbooks that spread the 'librul' agenda and call for anyone that isn't white and Christian to be removed from their sight. The only small part of free speech that they're interested in is being able to call groups of people subhuman and they don't just want that sort of free speech, they want freedom from consequences too and act like getting punched in the mouth for saying the wrong thing in the wrong place isn't a thing in real life either. And more than that, based on the extreme pearl clutching when the 'tOlERanT lEFt' ever comes down from their high horses, they want that free speech for themselves and themselves only.

Basically they're liars, bad faith trolls and people that actually believe that their bigotry means that they stand for 'freedom'. They also 'care about the kids' but want to marry and fuck them and send them to the mines. So isn't it obvious by now that everything is opposite day with these people?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

Hey there. I really hope you don't mind me replying to something ancient like this, I didn't want to make a whole new post about a subject that has already been fairly thoroughly discussed.

Personally, I basically never downvote anything and at first I loved that downvotes were disabled in this instance. But it also feels a little like having blinkers on, when everyone else is doing it anyway. Also, if a bigoted comment somewhere in a community in another instance gets 2 upvotes but 20 downvotes, does that mean that all I will see is the 2 upvotes? Wouldn't that give me the false impression that this particular community just doesn't care about bigotry?

Another thing is that I noticed there's a Truscum community here. Which I actually don't want to cause any wars over, so another reason that it's better I reply to this year old post. But based on a run in that I had on Reddit when I was still just starting to ask myself tough questions and address repressed feelings, the fact that they're here makes me uneasy. And probably attracts people from other instances here to downvote and spread the misery. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes in horror movies, the call is coming from inside the house. So maybe it's futile trying to limit downvotes somewhere with downvotes baked in.

If I'm out of line, I apologise. I can see the value in this if you're only ever going to be commenting and participating in certain Blåhaj communities. So maybe that means that I still haven't found the right instance for me, personally. Which makes me sad because I actually love it here.

Just one last suggestion. Instead of making it a per user setting, is there no option to disable downvotes in specific communities? IMO that would be even better because it stops people from other instances downvoting too. Is this something to bring up with Lemmy devs?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I'm responding to an old post but what are you gonna when things are still this quiet. This seems like the busiest Sonic community here in the fediverse at least?

But I actually looked this up a little while back. Turns out Echidnas can actually grow some serious claws, which they use mostly to dig.

IMG_6179-Echidna-o(1)

So I can see what they're going for / where they got the idea for Knuckles' design. They're probably legit claws.

And I seem to remember him chipping them in Sonic X, but it's not treated as an amputation or anything and later they're fine, so presumably they grow like claws / nails too.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yeah honestly the AEW thing was kind of a big LOLTNA moment for me right at the end. At the very least, even if it had to be Christian next in line, it should've happened on Impact. It was like a year long build up, the question of who would finally beat Kenny Omega and get the rub, and the answer to that question turned out to be no one on the TNA roster but instead another AEW wrestler on AEW. I know that Christian did his time in TNA for a little bit after that but I didn't see it because I actually stopped watching for a little while.

If this actually is TNA in its dying days for real this time, I guess I might as well as the shitshow through, seeing as I've been here this long. I wouldn't be against switching over to NXT for what I need from pro wrestling if it goes that way.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (3 children)

Damn I wonder if Killer Kelly will be back any time soon, I guess not. Way back when she was originally supposed to sign and had more of a kickboxer gimmick, there were visa issues or some shit. Then finally, after a couple of years I think, had this short but cool run and now this. I mean, good for her and all that shit though.

And yeah, I had a feeling that this was still the deal with Tessa. That's sucks and definitely makes me a bit uncomfortable watching. Sounds like their biggest wtf move since Alberto Del Rio. And makes the aggression from Grace look so much more real, which is probably what they're going for but still, wtf.

The reason I solely watch TNA these days is that it's just big enough to showcase NXT wrestlers and have people like Okada dropping by for a month out of the blue; but with low online engagement, so I can have a relatively smark free view of things, like before I cursed myself with Wreddit so long ago. And it leaves room to squeeze a couple more obsessions in. So it fucking sucks that they're doing stupid controversial shit like this.

2
Hello, here's a wall of text (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

I thought I would do one of these, seeing as this is all a whole new social media start for me right now. I'm going to predict that this will be long because I enjoy writing and tend to get carried away. Also, gesture typing helps make that tendency even more stream of consciousness (with the downside of a fair amount of proofreading and occasionally needing to manually type words like 'consciousness' because the keyboard doesn't know wtf you're going for). So I don't mind if walls of text are not your thing and no one really interacts. I just feel like I need / want to do this and that's what this community is here for, right?

Firstly, why I've chosen the Blåhaj instance (besides the obvious)

This is my fourth day on Lemmy over all but first start on this instance. The reason that I didn't come here immediately is that when I came to sign up, the server join page itself was having such trouble loading, that when it finally loaded the list, I chose the server that said something like "recommended for users to join to lighten the load on other servers". After that turned out to be a not optimal Lemmy experience, I chose lemmy.world because I was given the impression that it's for noobs and the most 'Reddit' like. Also I didn't understand the point of using a more specifically tailored instance if you can just access most stuff from anywhere. Then I realised that if I want 'Reddit', I can just go to the 'All' tab. So why not make my home somewhere that I actually feel at home.

And I'm already more than happy with that decision. Everything about this journey so far makes me feel like I've found my people and the place that I should've been all along. Which also makes me sad that I took so long to start on this road but that's just life, I guess. And there's comfort in knowing that many others are in the same boat too. But sheesh, besides the reason that we're all here, it's not even just tastes and socio-political tendencies that seem to align with me. One of my last comments on world was about how I basically never downvote anything. Then I sign up here to find out that downvotes aren't even a thing here. Turns out that I'm even in like minded company here in that regard.

Plus, I started today with scrolling through the local feed and smiling and laughing, instead of immediately calling for guillotines for CEOs and politicians first thing in the morning. Which is just what I need for my mental health.

And now the relevant stuff

I'm only a couple of years in with this journey so far but the labels / umbrella that I'm currently feeling more or less happy with are non-binary or genderqueer. Both because they seem to almost be describing the same thing but going on a purely vibes based approach for me personally - "genderqueer" feels somehow friendly, non-specific and welcoming; while "non-binary" feels like a declaration and statement, almost like identifying as an anarchist. And I feel like those are the two wolves inside me. Right now at least.

In another universe where I was born a bit later, or in a first world, more socially progressive country and came to these conclusions earlier, I would probably be transfem though. For now I'm not even out to anyone in real life and not sure if I want to deal with that without moving to another country on my own. I've told a long time online friend and while she's accepting, she hasn't said much about it and I haven't exactly my poured my heart out. Which is fine because she's both cis and straight and not on the same journey. But my point is that with the exception of starting to push boundaries in fashion sense and starting to speak up a lot more in defense of the LGBTQ+ community as a whole, this is largely a secret world that I'm living in right now and between me and the beautiful and cool people on the internet in my phone.

But nothing is set in stone. I go through days at a time being happy with just simply abandoning my agab as a concept and being gnc, and then I go through days at a time hurting, aching at the fact that I wasn't born a woman. So maybe this is where a lot of trans people start. Just transitioning a little as a treat to start off with and still making excuses, before finally accepting and embracing who you are and doing something about it. So I can't guarantee that I'll still be happy with 'non-binary' in the future. I'm still learning and exploring.

Insomnia and the Hole in the Universe

No this section doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the song. It just popped in my head and felt appropriate. Now for the source of my guilt and imposter syndrome and maybe even a little shame. While something that I've learnt about myself in the last couple of years is that certain androgynous people are capable of releasing a whole hutch of butterflies in my stomach and making me feel both jealous and like jello, I'm still mainly attracted to women. Which makes me not conventionally 'queer' if you take away what has only been an internal journey so far.

For all intents and purposes I'm probably actually ace. But I hesitate to use the description because while I'm happy alone and don't NEED someone to survive, I wouldn't pass up finding and running away with my Xena or Harley Quinn either. In fact, like the range of feelings that I encounter as far as dysphoria goes, I go through long periods of time happy alone but sometimes feel the crushing weight of loneliness too.

But back to women. It's not even just about sexual attraction. I want to be in the company of women; to adore, admire and fight for women; and half of my existence currently is wishing I were a woman lmao. Whereas after some time on this earth, my faith and trust in men is pretty low. I've learnt that I can be attracted to androgynous men but right now I want to be with women, if that makes sense. I'm actually hoping that there are good men in this instance that can help restore my faith because feeling this way about a group of people goes against my beliefs and makes me a hypocrite.

The End

Or is it?

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