LowExperience2368

At my casual retail job, I don't get a consistent number of hours. Last year, they asked me if I wanted to do a three hour shift that starts at 7am on a Sunday which is every week. I said yes due to the consistency and the pay being good. But I find myself being unable to sleep at a reasonable hour, and so every Sunday, I am extremely groggy and irritable. It's been a year of this, and I ruined the relationship I was in because of emotional impulsivity due to lack of sleep. I also consistently make little mistakes during the shift that I wouldn't make if I had slept properly, which also probably affects the way the managers see me. I tend to daudle getting ready because I'm so tired and am usually in a rush to get to work. I also don't get to go out on Saturday nights, which I guess isn't that much of a dealbreaker, but still kind of sucks. I've figured something has to change. I feel like if I can't even wake up at 6 without being a freaking insomniac, I don't think I'll be able to hold down a job. I don't know how I'll be able to wake up for placement if I do teaching or some allied health course.

So it's either, I force myself to wake up at 7am every single day and keep the 6am wake up on a Sunday, in the hope that I'll be able to sleep better and improve my sleep hygiene. This is coming from a night owl who somehow just comes awake when I'm supposed to sleep. I'm thinking this is probably the better option for now because I don't have the energy or time to write cover letters.

Or I quit and find a more predictable part time job that will allow me to take annual leave during potential placement next year. This will probably help with giving me a sense of routine.

I tell myself that I can't watch stuff until I've done my work, and then sit around for hours not doing anything anyway. The paralysis.

This.

Take care of yourself Baku :)

Reading my journal from a year ago and I was upset because I had sent my ex a reel that my friend had sent to me saying, "Have some virtual flowers, you deserve it."

He had replied back saying to send some good quality memes instead. Dude didn't like the tiniest hint of sap. I am very glad I'm not with someone I'm incompatible with anymore and that I'm not upset over such a stupid thing. Peace ✌️ :)

Yay, eight hours of sleep! No to a massive headache and waking up at 9 instead of 7!

But I slept more yay :)

Really shit sleep again and had an early start at work. Hoping for better sleep tonight. Surely if I wake up before 7am everyday, I'll be fine?

Still not really anything done today. Lots of sleep deprivation related blues. But at least I went to the gym. We shall persist. There is another chance tomorrow.

Went to a cardio class where we had to accumulate distance on the bikes and rowers as a team. My team came second last, but the team that came last had their bike reset the metres in the one of the rounds. Was a good workout regardless. Feel better than I would have if I didn't do anything :)

I got scattered sleep last night and probably only slept for five hours. Today was meant to be assignment day. We shall seize the day regardless.

Today was meant to be a lecture catch up day but the day went by and I did fuck all. Woke up late and spent time with the dog. Dog spent the day yawning. Big mood. Went to work and felt anxious for some reason. Did a quiz. Now I am exhausted. Tomorrow, I shall redeem myself.