FriendOfElphaba

I was very surprised and a bit weirded out when I saw companies like Lockheed and Raytheon marching in Pride. I’ve even supported banning some groups - like some police groups - from marching due to their history or policies.

I am really conflicted on rainbow washing, though. I’m one of those people who has been around for a long time. I marched with ACT UP in NYC to get the government to conduct AIDS research, and I was beaten up pretty badly several times by people who just wanted to bash some queers. I remember when the only gay people we saw on TV were “not gay” gay-coded actors like Vincent Price and Rip Taylor, and performers like Elton John. Everyone denied that they were gay. It wasn’t allowed to be openly acknowledged. And that’s just the “open” folks - people like Rock Hudson were completely closeted. I know a guy who got booted just as don’t ask don’t tell was coming into effect because someone told on him, and I almost got fired from a national security job.

All of which is to say, I am really glad we’ve reached this level of representation. Lockheed doesn’t march in Pride so that gay generals are more likely to buy their weapons. There might be some publicity victory they’re getting, but Lockheed was doing just fine when all they did was make weapons (I know that’s not all they do).

When Lockheed marches, it’s because of their LGBT employees. The employees organize, start a resource group for mutual support, and do things like put together programs about trans healthcare in the employee insurance system. I respect that. It’s honestly the same thing for companies like Google and Netflix (Amazon’s group is called Glamazon). They get a bit more mileage out of it because they’re Bay Area companies, but it’s still more about the employees (current and candidates) than it is about the company.

One of the more openly homophobic companies (known for openly supporting right wing candidates and causes), Coors, was among the first to recognize same-sex partnerships as qualifying for benefits, solely as a result of employee action.

And, honestly, even if it’s just rainbow socks - I will take it over where we were and where we seem to be heading. Naomi Klein wrote a great book called No Logo back in 1999. One part that always stuck with me was that despite her very anti-corporate stance, she recognized that even obvious campaigns like United Colors of Benetton were doing good by making high end ad campaigns with a broad spectrum of people. Will and Grace was huge. Brothers (a Showtime show I had to watch late at night so I didn’t get caught) had a gay character whose beer drinking homophobic brother learned to accept. Queer as Folk. Ellen coming out. All of those things were absolutely huge.

We’re moving away from that now. I’m not expecting a big Pride presence from Budweiser this year. The LA Dodgers came close to pulling part of their Pride fest over complaints from a congressman from Florida. Target pulled rainbow-bearing clothes from their shelves under the threat of being bombed by christian domestic terrorist groups that act with near-impunity across the US. People are showing up with AR-15s at children’s libraries to threaten staff members, often without consequence. Transphobic and homophobic rhetoric is completely dominating half of the political spectrum - it’s literally the major plank in their 2024 platform. It’s bigger than tax cuts or terrorism this year. We are the number one target.

We’re going to have to fight to get back to the point where we can be cynical about Lockheed rainbow socks and rainbow Pepsi bottles, and it’s not going to be fun. And it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better.

You are the problem. The right wing nut jobs are in charge because chucklefucks like you can’t be fucked to give a good goddamn about anything outside of a narrow view in which you’re the goddamned misunderstood oppressed motherfuckers. You’re the “stop making race an issue” crowd. You’re the “women have the same rights as men now and should shut up” crowd.

I hate to break it to you, and I know you’re not going to hear it. You’re the person Martin Luther King was talking about in his Letter from Birmingham Jail. At the time, there was a “call to unity.” There was a perception that black Americans shouldn’t be protesting. That they should wait for the changes they want to just happen naturally. That if they stopped making such a fuss about equality, it’s just happen. Let me give you some quotes, in case it’s been awhile since you’ve studied it.

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly ... Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds."

I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season." Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

You not only have a shallow understanding - your understanding is deliberately shallow and you revel in it as if it gives you some kind of intellectual validity. It does not.

And the first PC I built myself out of the parts I saved up for was a 286, bitch. The first game I played was on a Bell Labs Vax on an actual teletype using a coupler with a rotary phone.

It’s okay to be a nerd. We make shitloads of money and people are interested in what we say. You don’t need to be a dickweed.

Yes. Fuck you.

Fuck you for not giving a fuck that a shit ton of people do fucking care that queer people exist and are actively trying to drive us out of of society. Fuck you for not caring that the standard rule on the right is now to refer to the LGBT community as pedophiles - criminal rapists of children. Fuck you for not caring that people are showing up with fucking AR-15s in the children’s section of libraries to defend kids against us.

That’s what fucking Pride is about. Pride is about saying No to shitheads like them, but also shitheads like you who have the privilege to not care.

So, yes. Very much. Fuck you.

The “paradox” here is that by being tolerant of intolerance, we are actually decreasing the overall level of tolerance when normally we’d expect tolerant behaviors to increase tolerance.

Compare it to the “death wave.” When someone stops in a multi lane intersection to allow someone to cross in debt of them, the pedestrian/vehicle can’t see around the stopped vehicle and this can result in them being hit by a motorist in the adjacent lane. It feels like you’re being safe and considerate, but you’re actually putting the other person in more danger than if you had simply followed the right of way. It happens often enough that a name has been coined for the phenomenon.

Tolerating hate increases hate, not tolerance. Tolerating hate in the extreme decreases tolerance not only relative to the hate, but because once hate takes over they eliminate tolerance (see Florida).

Since David and Patrick are taken and someone else already mentioned The Birdcage, I’m going to go with Isaac Higgentoot and Nigel from Ghosts.

It has aged perfectly. It’s one of those movies I can watch monthly.

Here’s a fun fact - when they were doing the interview circuit to promote the movie, Nathan Lane was extremely nervous because he didn’t want to be outed. It wasn’t a great time to be gay in Hollywood (or anywhere else). They were doing an interview with (iirc) Oprah, and Nathan had spoken to Robin Williams about his concern before they went out of the green room.

So she of course asks Nathan whether he’s worried that people would think that he’s gay because of his performance. Robin Williams immediately jumped in and just camped it up, and completely deflected the question. Oprah and the audience all just took it as Robin being Robin, but Nathan knew that it was a deliberate effort to prevent his embarrassment, and he still relates the story.

Then I’d just make it $100 and call it a day. $100 seems like a very generous amount in gift card form (like you’re less likely to forget it in your sock drawer), while $100 cash doesn’t seem like as big of a deal.

I’m not generally big on giving gift cards, but if they’re asking for one it’s going to be appreciated.

The first thing is to find the queer community where you live. Gay bars/clubs are one way to go because people are obviously going there to meet people. Drag shows are another place, and drag can be a lot of fun if you want to try it out as part of your exploration. I’m going to make a guess just on the basis of you asking this question that you don’t live in SF, LA, NYC, or Chicago, but hopefully there’s a scene someplace near you.

You can also try using an app and telling people that you’re interested in getting to know the community and ask about places to go and meet people. You can be honest about not looking for a hookup (assuming you’re not), and being more in the market for getting to know people. You might get some rude responses, so don’t take it personally (they don’t know you, they’re just jerks), but you’ll probably get some suggestions or an invitation to brunch or something.

If marathoning We’re Here has taught me anything, it’s that there are queer communities just about everywhere, but they may be small and hidden. m Also, do some reading and watching of queer media. There’s just far to much to go through these days, but you’ll find all kinds of representation out there.