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Shocking header. Or, more accurately, necker.

How was that not a foul from that Kudus stamp

Rare Paqueta yellow

Everton not in threat of relegation so they just phoned this game in. Kinda pathetic.

Onana needs to run with the ball more often. He’s so quick and strong, really hard to stop

Never touched him…

Branthwaite looks decent so far

I love all the space around the pitch. It means players can actually run full tilt near the edges without having to worry about falling into a drainage abyss or going headlong into advert boards

Everton's kit is as boring as their football.

How fucking long did he play advantage for there

So is Branthwaite an insane talent or is the rest of the squad just relatively poor so he stands out?

Did Beto die?

Didn't think there was any contact on that Branthwaite foul

Kudus on the floor for about a minute and immediately gets up to have a go at Pickford was funny

Commentator just said Kudos wasn’t feigning injury. I mean the way he jumped up to confront Pickford, he clearly was!

"If we shout handball enough they might eventually give it"

DCL did well there, poor touch from Doucoure

Harrison is terrible

Why is everybody mad at Pickford for calling out cheating rather than mad at the guy cheating?

Two of the most boring teams in the league, playing in the worst stadium in the world. How the hell did this get picked for a Super Sunday game?

I want to see a full on brawl, I can feel it coming

Honestly not sure which was more pathetic, Paqueta giving the ball away in a dangerous spot and not tracking back, or Harrison completely blowing a 3-1 and not even getting a shot off.

Harrison is definitely not great

Kudus lashed out their at Tarky

How’s VAR not Looked at that

Cannot stand Pickford. Such an arrogant, aggressive prick. He’s not even THAT good in goal, either.

oh, DCL is actually on the pitch? Crazy

How different are the keepers' kits allowed to be? Pickford has an entirely different crest on his

I look at our team, we have good players, we should be able to play good football. But we are so dull sometimes.

Why did I think these two teams would, like, do stuff

Pretending to have a head injury. Oh dear.

Halftime highlights are going to be of El Clasico yesterday

Never heard West Ham so silent feels like lockdown again (except when Pickford's on the ball)

The worst half of football I've seen this season

If there was a kit made to sum up the dullness and unexceptional nature of this match, it is Everton's grey kit.

Christ some quality anywhere would be nice

I mean, it's better than watching England bat right now

That pass out of play by Garner sums this half up.

Absolutely turgid

Not the most entertaining watch

Well that was certainly one of the games of all time

Do West Ham need their opponents to be really attacking and high pressing or something.

Their record against bottom half teams is pretty good...

Patterson really not showing that he should start over Young. Coleman please come back

This Everton kit is awful, they are dressed like a coca cola flavoured maoam stripe

Sky trying to stretch that one fucked chance into a full half time show

I've taken the time to put together some comprehensive first half highlights:

TIL it’s fine to leave your studs on the opponent if you keep the ball or do a little trick

It’s so quiet

Moyes isn't lasting the season

DCL is actually unreal. Shame Doucoure has the finishing of a fish

First time really watching west ham this season and kudus is an absolute menace