this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2023
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The Onion

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The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 82 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago

i think i'm giving him the full "who's a good boy, YES YOU ARE!!"

[–] [email protected] 53 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Usually you don't wish an onion article was real life

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago

Onionception

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I would unironically vote for some dog or cat over 99.99999999999999% of humanity at this point if given the option.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 10 months ago

And that 00.000000000000001% is Jon Stewart, cause why the hell not? He's got free time now 🤷‍♂️ and we haven't tried Democratic TV show host comedian yet on the Bingo chart.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago

“That son-of-a-bitch burst through the door into my office like a bat out of hell. He immediately set his teeth to my left calf and would not let go for what felt like an eternity,” said the outraged McHenry. “As I howled in pain, that damn dog leapt onto my desk and seized the House gavel. ‘No you don’t! Drop it! Drop it!’ I yelled as I turned quickly to grab the other end. We then began to engage in a rancorous tug-of-war; one that continued for nearly 10 minutes. Ultimately, he bested me and took off, gavel in mouth"

Here, here.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

Give Commander a Medal!

[–] gravitas_deficiency 13 points 10 months ago

It sounds like a pretty ruff deal tbh

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

At this point they likely would vote for him if he does that.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Usually these headlines don't actually make me laugh out loud but this one pulled it off.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

The presidential veneers finally came into play!