this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2023

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Could you help me with a bit of life advice? Ending uni, scared of going forward. (self.asklemmy)

submitted 1 year ago by aeon_flux to c/[email protected]

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Hi,

I'm at that point in life where I'm facing big changes/having to take decisions for the first time and I'm scared.

I'll soon be starting an internship abroad with a good company and, silly to say, I'm getting cold feet. I'm scared of the move and about the future - at the possibility that I'll like it and want to go there, and leave the people here behind.

I'm also scared that my partner wouldn't want to come with me if that were the case. They say they aren't sure yet. I understand, but it still makes me feel anxious for the future. I would hate to be in the situation where I would have to choose between a good job and losing my partner. It's so silly writing this down.

I think I'm just rambling and could use someone older to give me some advice about the way their life went. I dont really have older role models around, I'm on my own with this one. I guess that's part of the problem. I'm full of internal conflict, on so many topics at once - from practical life direction to things like philosophical/ideological matters.

Thanks for reading this. Hope life is kind to you.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's perfectly natural to be scared of change but it is fruitless because change is going to happen whether you want it to or not. Even if you stay here, things are going to change. Remember that and use it to help you get past your fear of change.

You're also focusing on the negatives, what about the positives? What if this internship turns out to be the best thing you've ever done? What if it does lead you to wanting to stay there which then leads you to an amazing life that you love and makes you happy? Even if you stay here, you and your partner might not stay together and how would you feel if you gave up this opportunity and you guys break up 6 months down the road and you're full of regret for not taking the internship?

If I were you I would 100% take the internship abroad, that's an opportunity that the majority of people don't get. Take it!

[–] aeon_flux 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'll definitely be going, there's no going back on that, it would be incredibly silly of me not to. I think I'm just finding it hard to adjust to life changing around me again. I had a really rough time growing up and university did me a whole lot of good, I adapted really well, got good grades, was social, and I'm just afraid of taking myself out of my comfort zone by moving when this was pretty much the first and only time in my life that I've felt fine.

It's even more silly because I'm not even done with uni yet, I still have one more year to go in my master's. I'm just the kind of person that tries their hardest to plan their future, but right now I'm staring at a great unknown that I can't rationally manage and find it hard to just "go with the flow" - is it even wise for me to do that?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Eventually your friends will all end up going their own ways too, forging their life paths. Doesn't mean you won't see them again and you'll meet new people. It just takes a little more effort since you all won't be in the same place anymore.

Don't stunt your future because of fear. Flip that energy into excitement and look towards the what could be. You got this.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Just enjoy the ride. Being alive is crazy. Don't take things super seriously, cause tbh, ain't nothing worth any amount of undue stress. Not your job, not your lover, nothing. Follow your gut. Try new things. You probably won't feel at home in your own skin until much later, and the journey to that point is the BEST.

Your gonna hit rough patches. Don't fear or hate that. Take it. It's experience, and it will all culminate into who you are.

Let yourself feel your emotions, and actually think about them. It's a great way to get rid of unwarranted emotions.

Try to be mindful. And try to be appreciative that you get to experience anything at all.

Look I fucked my life up. I fucked it up. But guess what? I wouldn't trade my experience for the fucking world. Never. So did I really fuck it up? I've always been me.

When it comes down to it, life is very simple. And those are the things that tend to be the most complicated for us. In the end, your the only one who's gotta live with your decisions. At worst, you'll have some crazy stories or die 🤷

Sorry if that was unhelpful

[+] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

[deleted]

[–] aeon_flux 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I might have worded things a bit poorly - it's not only about the internship (I'll be going, of course) but more about things changing and trying to decide between paths(do I move abroad or do I stay where I am? do I even like my field as a job? what do I value/want from life? et. al.) im not sure how to handle not having a streamlined path ahead anymore.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I think when you're in your (I'm guessing) early -or-mid-20s there is a tendency to underestimate how much time you have ahead of you. Whatever you decide, it's not a lifetime commitment. Take a job, work there for a year, or a few years. If it turns out it's not for you, you've gained experience, you've learned new things about yourself, and you still have plenty of time to transition to something different.

There will be a time when you understand yourself and what you want much better. For me that was maybe my mid-30s. The only way to get there is to try things, and see what happens. I suggest making choices that lead to new experiences, such as travel. That gives you new ways to learn about yourself, and more chances to run into something that really grabs your interest.

[–] sweetcuppincakes 3 points 1 year ago

I'm just a dumbass in my late twenties, but I encourage you to ignore the nervousness and make the most of this exciting experience abroad! Feeling lost and worried about the future is a normal part of being human, in my opinion. You'll figure it out.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Something I took a long time to learn is "Don't borrow trouble." You'll run into plenty of problems throughout your life, so there's no need to expend energy on those that haven't happened yet. Yeah, I know that's easier said than done. :)

Remember that you are smart and capable. You can handle whatever life throws your way, and life has a funny habit of surprising us. What you're worried about often doesn't happen, but other surprises do come along, both good and bad. You can do your best to prepare, but the reality is that you'll face things you don't feel prepared for, and you'll be OK.

You may love the job, or you may hate it, but you will probably hate the fact that you gave up the opportunity if you don't go. Being apart may make you a stronger couple, or it may make one or both of you realize you want to move on. That could happen regardless of where you are, even if you stay physically together. You have a wonderful opportunity, and I encourage you to take it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I will tell you what I imagine I'll be telling my son in 17 years.

Be your own greatest advocate. Nothing in this world is worth losing your dignity over. It is just a job, not an indication of your worth or value to others. Don't ever work so hard that you don't have time to enjoy life. Always stop to smell the flowers.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

No matter which path you choose in life there will always be regret, going with one option means abandoning other options. Try to choose options which you think will leave you with least regret. The best thing we can do is to try our best.

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