Ask Lemmy

This was an issue for me when I was watching my then toddler son a lot as a father.

We would meet other parent-child combinations regularly at the places where you go with children. Most of the time it would be mothers.

But even though the settings were obviously non romantic and child focused, it often was difficult to get into a friendly relationship. I always had the impression the mothers were careful to not do anything I might interpret as flirting, including talking. So the interactions were limited to the now and then on the playground. No getting-to-know conversations.

Remarkably that was much simpler with the same women when the fathers were around also, I.e. on weekends.

In short it was a long series of strange encounters and isolation. It’s much simpler to interact with women without their children around, regardless if romantically motivated or just as factual interaction.

During the whole parenting time of 3 years I had with that child I made one(!) contact that I could message things like “wanna meet up in this or that interaction?” My wife has 15 or so.

them mistaking that i'm interested in them romantically

I wouldn't know what to do with one if I got it, unless its work related. I barely even call my family without a good reason.

It used to be fear of rejection. Nowadays I don't care if I get rejected. That's life.

Because I don't want to give away mine, and in this case it's kinda expected.

Lack of self confidence

I don't like share my phone number because it means be vulnerable, give away something that can be used against you. That person can use it for spam calls and easily become a stalker without too much effort

Forgot to 😹

I am used to people not being interested so it never really occurs to me to ask AND it is 2023. There are so many other ways to communicate.

Negative responses. The last time I asked someone I thought I was becoming friends with she reacted almost offended and tried to find excuses why she wasn't able to accept my email address (because I thought asking for her number would be a bit direct). We knew each other for almost two years back then and spent a lot of time walking our dogs together when we met by chance, laughed, exchanged issues we had with our lives etc. I really thought we could just casually meet for our dogs to play, but that reaction was... I don't know, it did hurt quite a bit. Since then I've become even more reserved and try to avoid situations like these.

If you're having trouble building these networks, find a reason to have further contact. Follow up events, sharing a photographs, notification for the next event, follow-on event next weekend, have a discussion with somebody and say you'll send them more information, many good reasons

There's so many ways of communicating nowadays. Phone number is so last century.

Nothing? I ask people's number all the time, or give them mine. I had little cards made up that I can just hand people, that have all my contact info on them.

The fact I ask for their Discord handle instead of their number, and possibly invite them to my server.

Whenever I near such thoughts I lock up mentally especially because my awkward ass probably didn't have much interesting to say in the first place.

Because most of those people are fucking BORING lol

There's no real need if I already have them on socials and can chat them that way otherwise if they're close enough friends and I feel like having their number would be more convenient, I usually give them my number first and they usually text me straight away or give me their number.

Edit - Sorry just noticed the "or other contact info" part.

I'm assuming you kinda want advice on the approach?

Seems awfully specific, buddy.

Non-romantic?

I ask for something more low-key like a method to contact them in the future. Typically LinkedIn or originally Twitter. That would lead to email info.

I don't ever bother with phone numbers. Because personally, I don't want to be texted/called on the phone myself.

Leaving the other person with the expectation that I'll actually do something with that number. I'll WANT to call, but it probably isn't going to happen.

It's 2023: if we get along as long as I know their name or have any common friend, I just look them up and add them.