A place for those that got both Autism and ADHD, those confirmed as one and are suspecting they got the other as well, and also everyone who is neither and just genuinely curious.
Since the combo comes with its own set of challenges, this shall be a place to ask for advice, vent, infodump about special interests and/or just vibe and meme.
Please be respectful. General niceness guidelines apply - formal rules will be added later if necessary.
In regards to medication and medical advice: Please take under consideration that this is only an online support community. Offered advice is always an expression of individual opinions or experiences and shall never be taken as substitute for a professional in-person assessment!
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On lemmy.world
I can relate... If it is worth doing, it must be done 100% right, first try, zero margin for error, no rehearsals, no practise round.
Like rocket science!
(Except I know that's not how rocket science is done, either, but somehow that thought refuses to sink in)
So do it all out 100%, submit that as a draft, and be amazed that your 100% can get even better after some input from others. It's unrealistic to think you'll get something perfect on the first try. Only now about 3 years into my job am I starting to learn this. I look back now on some of my early work I thought was 100% now and realize how short sighted I was
A bunch of pennies just dropped (diagnosed autistic as an adult, so this happens a lot)..
At my school we didn't really have to hand in drafts for written assignments, but in maths, I'd always have to "show my work" when I was doing the work in my head and writing it down just seemed like a waste of time, but the teachers just refused to have me write down the result (which I kind of get, but if I'm getting it right just let me get on with it?).
Then I went to art school, and they kept wanting me to do this "show my work" thing again, only in art?? And I'm like.. It's in my head, and when I'll get it out of my head, that'll be the art, I don't understand what you want from me??? (like they literally wanted you to stop at every stage and "annotate" what you were doing, completely getting in the way of both your flow and creativity. As if you can't explain your ideas at the end? or even not at all? why do I have to explain everything to you, it's ART?!).
Phew, sorry, that's some pent up frustration I clearly still had there.. ๐
I remember this with math when I was young. Show my work? "I looked at the problem and realized that this was the answer."
They want you to show how you kow it was the answer so when you get to more complicated stuff you won't struggle when it isn't instantly obvious.
I didn't really understand that is what they wanted until calculus where a lot of students struggled with applying simple concepts to complex equations.
Right. Basic 2+2 stuff or simple solve for x is easy, but then you start deriving and integrating, working on sets with linear algebra, or going beyond simple calculus to apply it to physics, biology, and chemistry. I was at the point where even some calculus I could do in my head, but when I took quantum I had to write each step down.
Plus, if you don't get the right answer, if you show your work the professor can show you where you went wrong so you can improve. I had a math teacher explain that in high school, and it was enough for me to take the 30 seconds to jot down the steps.
Even for the simpler stuff, it helps with the teaching process to be able to hone in on where the specific misunderstanding is. Or if mistakes are being made, slowing down a bit to correct the process can help.
Right?? ๐คฆโโ๏ธ๐
I also had a high school biology teacher call me out in lecture hall for not taking notes. And then after the test was graded, calling me to a meeting after class and personally apologizing to me, sincerely, with, "I didn't realize you had a photographic memory."
I am only now realizing that since she called me out publicly, she should have apologized publicly, but that's almost 40 years ago, so nothing I can do about it now.
Shit, I had such a similar experience.. It's so depressing how over the years (it was almost 30 for me, and from op I assume still now) things haven't changed for us much...
I'm 53 years old. I have three kids, two of them are officially diagnosed on the ASD spectrum, have been for some time. And I have just started to realize in the past year that I'm on the spectrum, too (though not diagnosed, and I'm not clear on how useful it would be for me to go through that process).
So kind of all the time, I'm remembering things from my past, at all ages, and going, "Ohhhh ..."
Been diagnosed for about 10 years at this point and still doing that "ohhhh" constantly (as my op reply demonstrates lol)
It really is incredible to realise how much of ourselves we have to suppress or ignore or change just to fit in with NT expectations and rules.
Same, and for those of us that were able to learn to cope it really seems like most of the symptoms are just being direct and clear instead of following social norms just because everyone else was.
Like I understand social cues, but also think many of them are stupid and confusing and see everyone else misunderstand them constantly but think they are great at it. Apparently just faking it is the norm, and when I see someone who is autistic struggle with vague 'non-verbal cues' I really feel for them because of how often I am misread. Like I'm crossing my arms because my shoulders hurt or I am chilly, not because I am mad.
Oh, and just to touch on the diagnosis part, it's definitely a hassle, and it didn't get me much autism specific support per se (mostly because there isn't any available), but just knowing has made a huge difference in my understanding of myself (back to the ohhh realisations and understanding just how much about me isn't "wrong" juts "autistic" which is perfectly normal for me), and it does help to be able to tell support and other health workers, some might not have a clue what it means, but some will be able to understand and support much better.
Also self diagnosis is completely valid despite what some might say, it's hard to access care, and even if you do, it's hard to get a diagnosis (I had a real struggle, as do many, especially women). If you feel that the diagnosis applies to you, and especially being a parent to autistic kids you'd know a lot about it, I wouldn't hesitate to claim it.
When the goal is to have a better understanding of myself, if looking at myself through the lens of autism is useful, even without a clinical diagnosis, I have no problem doing that. Between that, and Zoloft, and simply being older, I'm a lot more "okayer" with myself than I was even two or three years ago.
The "older" part is important. While I still wish I had the kind of interpersonal relationships that I see other people having, I've come to terms with the fact that we don't always get what we wish for, that being somewhat isolated and internalized is my lot. I can either do something about it, or be okay with it, or some combination of the two - but being disappointed in it (and in myself by extension) isn't doing anyone any good. Not me, not my family, not the tiny handful of friends I do have.
Is there a difference between embracing who you are and giving up on who you want to be? Does it matter if there is?
I think there isn't a difference, I think leaving the ideas that society (an ableist society, at that) has imprinted on us from birth of who we should be, and instead embracing who we are are two sides of a really healthy coin.
Probably the most important lesson I took from my diagnosis is that my boundaries are legitimate and valid, and that it is those who disrespect them that are wrong, not me for setting them. Some of those boundaries mean I exclude myself from situations I know will be overwhelming, or I exclude people from my life who refuse to communicate with me in a way that I can deal with.
I agree that a lot of this comes with age, but I also think that realising that we simply don't process the world around us the same way NT do and that most of the world around us caters to them, can go a long way in to reassuring yourself that you aren't the "problem", and that you taking care of your own needs is fair enough (if not radical), whatever that looks like.
That makes less than no sense in art, my brain can't even imagine how that would work.
this was over a decade ago but I can't lie, this validation that their structure was the problem not me is fantastic lol
It was so frustrating at the time and no matter how I tried explaining why I couldn't comply or how ridiculous the idea was in the first place, no one would listen (and I would get told off for being "argumentative").
Honestly... ๐คฆโโ๏ธ
This has always frustrated me too. For me the biggest frustration with this is that putting my thoughts into words is hard work since they are usually abstract. So explaining how my thought process was for any given result is painful, especially if it's a longer thought process. I imagine it's so easy for people who think in words, that they can not understand what the problem is.
Conversations with people who constantly look for hidden meanings can be really exhausting, when you just want to be understood correctly with a clear explanation the first time
Yes, it feels a bit like every one else is paranoid.
Write it up perfect then ask ChatGPT to make is sound dumber. Works great!