https://www.patreon.com/posts/idea-graveyard-123345850
We generate a lot more ideas than we do strips.
half-ideas? One-sided conversations? Terrible puns? We got 'em
Here's a bunch of stuff that didn't make it into strips but which we still kind of like.
I’m not here to save the world, just to delay the inevitable.
fortified cooking school is built to repel raiding parties.
Students are in high demand as slaves.
Never fly higher than you can survive if you fall.
That is terrible advice. You're the worst bird.
Its not literal advice, okay? I'm not literally a bird.
It's awful metaphorical advice and you are a shit-house bird allegory.
See i don't mind you saying that, because i never fly higher than i can survive a fall from, emotionally.
You can just say you have bad self esteem.
Would i need to dress as a bird if i could speak literally?
+20 sword is only for outside. Don’t be using it indoors, it’ll bring the building down.
There was a fly in the ointment but the fly is out of the ointment now and the ointment has really fixed up a lot of the fly’s issues and it wants to know what it can do to help.
The look?
Feh.
I don’t have the look.
I’ve got the whole search party.
They’re dragging the lake for me, bitch.
Want an autographed ‘missing’ poster?
I was raised by wolves but only briefly.
They fostered me out to possums.
I won’t pretend that didn’t hurt.
Funeral for the funeral god. Every Sunday. Come on down and have a big old weep.
Ask about comfort sex Wednesdays!
Overly-loyal Tarzan won't let go of the vine.
Overly-loyal Tarzan acknowledges he has a problem
So weird how much you humans love boobs.
They literally grow on you!
You’re getting high on your own supply.
You been working out, minotaur? You're looking beefy.
Stick sharpener? Anyone? Birch, oak, aspen? Stick looking a little blunt there, Ma'am- Freshen it up for you?
When Lord Longfrey is found dead, sharpened stick through his heart, the apprentice stick sharpener must go on the run and seek out the real killer.
...and the screenwriters must come up with problems that can be solved by sharp sticks.
This sling bikini is actually just a sling. I’m planning an assassination.
So you’ll be nude for the assassination?
Oh no, I’ll still have the cowl on.
Sling bikini with cowl. hot.
Gives you weird tan lines.
All the dry-bone skeletons are jealous of SKELETON WITH TENDONS
Where’d you get those?
Off a tennis racket, it turns out.
I don’t feel comfortable in a top or bottom role, I’m kind of middle management, sexually.
I want to be going back and forth between a domme and a sub, making things slower and worse.
Hot.
We’re an all-undead business- if you get the job would you object to being killed and reanimated?
It’s a ruby the size of an egg!
...a shrimp egg, sure
Ludmica- i’m gonna suck you so hard your eyes get tiny.
Gorg- Permanently tiny?
Lidmica- No six to eight weeks.
Gorg- Sweet.
Cut to Gorg with tiny eyes
Gorg- Everything looks so big. Honestly, I don’t want it to go back.
I’m focussed on looking like somebody you want to fuck.
Sexually speaking, I’m a cake on Instagram,.
Icing, sparkles, all of the colours.
So great to look at.
If you actually want to eat something, just get a donut.
Golfers vs orcs!
The golfers manage to take down a couple of orcs as they’re rushing in but the rest is very one-sided.
Don’t be fooled into thinking we’re outnumbered- it’s an octopus with hand-puppets
Watch as I make myself cum! (turns into cum)
Magpie swoops, causes cyclist to crash and die.
Magpie gets 3200 XP and jumps straight to level 4
It can now swoop at 220 km/h and starts smashing the fuck out of humans.
Soon it’s at level 20 and moves so fast it’s a blur. Also, makes lightning.
I kept an open mind but that was a stupid idea because now Smurfs have moved in.
...sort of Smurfs.
Little blue mind-flayers but with distinct, marketable characters.
Angry, Artsy, Klepto, Bigot, Milf
Giving me terrible ideas as per their individual idioms.
I think they’re selling drugs from the back of my head.
Maximus- are you not amuuussseeddd?
Commodus- I was before but it’s feeling preachy now.
Maximus- yeah I realise that but I have an important message that you all need to hear
Commodus- That we’re shit?
Maximus- uh... yeah, kind of.
Commodus- you can see how that might not resonate, right?
Maximus- ...sure.
Commodus- Great! Try something else then.
Maximus- Uh.... Like and Subscriiiiibbbbeee!
Commodus- perfect.
cleric kneels before fight
“For these orcs we’re about to slay, may the lord make us truly grateful”
Cleric says that gives us armour buffs but I’m not convinced.
Cleric only casts weird spells like ‘eucharist’ and ‘baptism’
Cleric has brought full boys’ choir into the dungeon, gets them to check for traps. Choir’s getting smaller but better ‘cause cleric makes the worst singer check.
No-one is coming to save you.
Even now, nobody is rushing up to the gate guards and duelling three of them at once.
Now nobody is climbing the tower wall
And listen! Who’s that at the door? Nobody!
Thank goodness you’re not here!
Can we not fuck? I’m worried I’ll end up a single parent.
I hate how great my ass is.
It’s making me really vain about my ass.
I hope we’re headed North because that’s the only direction I know.
Or south, I guess, if you don’t mind walking backwards.
