Trans

so it turns out, after an orchi it's not uncommon for a lump to develop in the scrotal sack, it feels about the size of a marble or a grape, and it turns out, at least on the internet, this is indeed called "the grape":

That hard lump is commonly called "the grape". It is where the incision was made on the spermatic cord. The clump is basically scar tissue along with the remnants of blood vessels and nerves that were severed during the I/O. It's perfectly normal. Hope this helps out.

Sorta weird to find something like a gonad where the gonads were, so I thought I would share this trivia since I had never heard of it and was certainly not expecting it post-op.

I'm almost two weeks into recovery. So far the feeling of my thighs while walking, sitting, and lying down still gives me moments of joy even if the novelty is wearing off a little bit. The reduction in my bottom dysphoria has been greater than expected, but in some ways it makes me more sensitive to the remaining dysphoria - I seem to be now unconsciously expecting different genitals down there more now than before.

Being able to lower my estrogen dose has been nice. Keeping a high monotherapy dose pre-op (4.6 mg EV subq every 3.5 days, i.e. twice a week) made me more emotional, and it's been a stressful and unstable time recently. So far I just feel a little more stable in my mood, more equanimous.

In between injections sometimes it seemed like some testosterone would be produced. There is definitely a difference now - estrogen troughs no longer are followed by signs of T, and it's been nice no longer having any involuntary erections in the morning or having that testosterone body odor (and most importantly, improved mental health).

It's also starting to sink in that I don't have to be as afraid of estrogen shortages, since now the worst case for me is a severe form of menopause rather than a hormonal regression back to testosterone. Life feels so precarious right now, everything is in the air, so it is weird to have this unexpected stability.

Two weeks in and I highly recommend the orchi. :-)

I embraced the New Year’s spirit today and decided to go take about 5 years worth of sharps (a small container) to the hazardous waste site near me. Felt a little weird to have it sitting in my backpack on the bus for ~40 minutes and then have the workers at the site treat it like it was radioactive waste, lol.

I totally get why for safety reasons, it was just such a disconnect from previously viewing it as being a normal object taking up room in my apartment closet.

pretty good, school starts again for me tomorrow though...

I'm struggling to find a sports bra with long enough straps. The band keeps getting pulled too far upwards, which is really uncomfortable. Possibly a bit more forward projection would solve that, so maybe they're designed that way for lift and I just need to wait? A bralette would be fine, too, but they're all in even smaller sizes. Annoyingly affirming, I guess.

Also thinking about "officially" coming out to everyone I haven't told yet, since at this rate of growth it's going to be pretty obvious something's going on come spring! And I want to wear skirts more, which I don't think will go unnoticed.

Great, I was just questioning if I'm trans woman or bigender. I think I'm bigender, hate my genitalia wish I'm woman and love being man. Idk might still explore.