this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2024
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I feel hopeless (lemmy.ml)
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
23 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Edit: I was as to negotiate with the ones organizing the meeting to schedule for another day. I may have been panicked because I stopped Prozac for a while. I'm really sorry for lashing out like that, and thank you for your understanding.

I'm trying to get my diagnosis. Due to my parents not accepting me receiving mental healthcare, I had to do everything in secret.

It made my life so much easier when I finally got Prozac. I could finally sleep. Little to no obsessions or intrusive thoughts. I also stopped having pica.

But I can't get a diagnosis in most places without involving my parents. Until I found someone who could give me one.

Thing is, if I miss tomorrow's appointment, I can no longer have another chance at it. The health system is clogged and all.

I had everything planned out. Told them I was going out and all. But now, I can't, because our basement got flooded and I have to stay in order to help them.

I know this is what I get for wanting the best of two worlds: my parents' support and getting behind their backs. But I just didn't want to keep suffering anymore. I just want it all to stop.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

My first rule in life, look after yourself. You can't help others properly if you don't care for yourself.

If it's a choice between pissing off my parents because I leave when they want help, and missing medical help in a crowded system? I'd go for upsetting parents, they'll get over it.

Look after yourself, go get help. This is coming from someone (me) who has mental health issues. Your future self will thank you if you start the path of treatment sooner rather than later.

Hope you're feeling well now. Take care!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Oh and tell them you've got a medical appointment, they do not need to know what kind, just say you've been on a waiting list for a long time.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

I must specify that our culture is very very different. They think that autism is immediately linked to several cognitive deficiencies. I remember wanting to talk about the subject to my dad, and his face immediately frowned when he thought I suggested having autism. Plus when my initial doctor thought I might have some kind of neurodivergency, like ADHD, my parents immediately turned down the idea, and I haven't heard from the doctors ever since.

I have to do medical appointments with them by my side, and if not, they must know every detail about it. Doesn't matter if it's private. They'll even go as far as to share it with families and friends. Sure do love gosip.

Still, thank you a lot. I'm not sure how to express it properly, but I am thankfull that you answered.

Edit: autocorrect

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Culture and tradition are just peer pressure from dead people. Your first and only obligation is to yourself. Just go. No words. Lie like there's no tomorrow if you have to.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

From a place of freedom it looks like that, however the issue is more with those who enforce that kind of culture. That part is harder to get free from.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Morally i am with you but please don’t destroy your only support group just because they are dogmatic and fail to provide adequate support.

I am not saying you have to stay with bad people but most likely they the family means well but is misguided dumb there will be future opportunities for mental help and a more gradual path to independence, a supportive family of their own may work better long term.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (4 children)

Man if only I was a good liar XD.

I have an idea but it might backfire hard. I think I'm too much of a coward to even ask my parents to go out again.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

Don't ask, tell. "I have to go, I'll be back in a few hours". Then leave. You are not making a request.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Lol. Don't ask. Just go.

[–] AngryPancake 3 points 4 months ago

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. I wish you all the best and good luck, I hope it works out for you!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

As the other person said, don't lie: I have to go out, I'll be back soon. And go.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Ah. Yes cultural issues can be a challenge. Sounds like you've got somewhat limited freedom.

Maybe there's some other kind of commitment you can come up with? Or perhaps try to call in to the medical location you were considering to see if you can schedule something for a better time?

Hope you're able to find help

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago (1 children)

First, remember that there may be other opportunities to get diagnosed, so this isn’t necessarily the end of the world.

Second, your mental health is a lifelong concern, while a flooded basement is temporary. You can help out before and after your appointment, and realistically, your contribution might not be crucial. If you're young enough to need your parents' consent for healthcare, then you're also young enough that dealing with the mess in the basement shouldn't fall entirely on you.

Additionally, if they aren't willing to support you when you need help, it's understandable to question why you should be expected to drop everything when they need assistance. That might be my oppositional defiant disorder talking, or it could just be that I don't agree with parents who think they can do no wrong, and therefore you don't need mental health care.

Btw, how old are you?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I am 19 years old.

I understand how the flood thing doesn't make much sense, but I can't get out. If do something that is wrong to them, I have high chances of getting kicked out. Paired with my inability to get a hold of how things work and be more independent, this would just end up in a slow suicide.

I'm old enough to not need my parents consent, but they have to know everything. If there's something I don't want to talk to them about, they will take great offense to that, and that might result in me getting ostracized, or kicked out.

I know there are other opportunities, but for some reason, it doesn't feel like it. I never should've stopped Prozac to save a couple bucks lmao.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

On a scale of 0-10, how religious are these parents of yours?

I've been in similar positions in my life, mostly because of religious parents, and while I don't recommend you do anything to get yourself kicked out, I would absolutely say, if they aren't taking care of you, you need to take care of you. And getting a diagnosis and medication is a good start.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

They aren't even religious? This is quite confusing to explain. They do not follow religion, but they usually have philosophies that issue from them (anti lgbt, pro natalism, ablism, etc.). That might be because their family was religious. Kinda like those who don't practice religion but for some reason, apply it to guide them on what to do. Idk how to explain better.

I really do want to get better, but I'm terrified.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I get that. My dad is Catholic and very into it. My mother is a non-practicing "protestant" , but has some crazy beliefs about medication, abortion, and ghosts. Except for when she needed a shitload of meds to get pregnant the 4th time.

My ADHD, autistic, gay, emo, depressed ass did everything I could to be better, and at 20, I just moved out without telling them. And now the guilt they feel because I only talk to them twice a year max is it's own reward.

If I may ask, what country/region are you in?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Haha I get it! My mom told me to not use too many meds because "I might get addicted" when I was just taking naproxen for my debilitating period cramps. It caused me unnecessary and avoidable pain.

I'm from Canada, Quebec.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Yeah. It's a lot easier to slip out without saying anything, and apologize after if they ask, than it is to risk your appointment being missed.

If you can, just walk out. If you know they're going to ask (after or before) have a quick, simple, and mostly true lie prepared. You're going to grab lunch real quick since you've been busy all day with the basement, you are headed out to get useful stuff for the basement and do they have any ideas for anything specific, etc. Bonus points for actually also doing the thing you said you were doing.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Is it possible to just tell them it's a medical appointment, but it's about something that you don't feel comfortable talking about?

It's the truth, it explains the secrecy about the appointment, but it keeps the secret.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

In here, there are no medical secrets :). I don't even have a doctor yet, so it wouldn't make much sense.

I also feel conflicted on advice. There isn't anything I could do to fix this, but I appreciate it. Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Help, then when it's time, go for your appointment, say you'll be back soon (give them a time if need be), then do it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Maybe say you need to buy a specific thing against the flooding (maybe buckets or a pump or something like that idk) and then do both your appointment and getting that thing.

If not I still wish you got look with getting back up to speed on your mental health:)