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How many tries do you give a new friend? (lemm.ee)

submitted 2 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

3 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/38443030

I'm a man in my 40's, moved to a new area and trying to make friends. A guy I've had lunch with a couple of times and we've connected pretty well. I'm not getting disinterested vibes when we're actually at lunch. However, I've invited him to lunch 3 times recently, once each month, and he's not responded. He's responded to other texts. "Hey, I'm going to event XYZ, any advice" and he'd reply. I've run into him at the grocery store twice in that time period and he's been genial. He's never offered/initiated lunch or anything, but that's not new. (No one ever asks me to do things, I'm The Organizer.) I'm getting really, really mixed signals.

How many more times do you try in a situation like this before you "take the hint" and stop?

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

Every friendship is different. I have some friends that I only see a couple times a year, but we text every day. Inviting him out once a month isn't excessive at all. Since you're still having other positive interactions, I would just continue inviting him to low pressure things.

Inviting him to group events might be good, too. For example, "I'm going to be hanging out at this place at this time with these people if you want to join."

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Maybe he's just busy during lunches 🤷‍♂️ I'd try a different activity and see if you get the same response, but I wouldn't be trying too hard

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

No more than 2. He doesn't want to hang out with you. Move on.