I’m not a “nice guy”.
this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2024
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I try to be. Don’t always succeed, never recognize when I do, but try so hard my wife makes me stop martyring myself for others
Yes
I try not to be but sometimes I can't help myself.
I think I am. I try not to be mean or insensitive, and I try to only say good things about people. But I sometimes worry if I come across as trying too hard. And sometimes I think my blunt, cynical sense of humour doesn't really land.
I have a different take: I try to not be an unpleasant person.
I suffer from a particularly nasty Voltron of ADD and Asperger’s. High-functioning, yes. But it’s still a non-trivial level of neurological fuckery. This means that my social actions and reactions are… different. Sometimes they deviate significantly from the socially accepted baseline. So to be “nice”? What is nice? How to categorize that, measure that, evaluate that? “Nice” could be different for each person I come across.
So to avoid driving myself crazy, I have flipped things and simply concentrated on not being an unpleasant person. To not be rude, not disrespectful, not frightening or combative or creepy. It ends up being a little easier to categorize, define, and measure in that regard, because it involves not doing something instead of doing something. It is avoiding a baseline instead of trying to meet it.
I believe I'm reasonable (most people would believe this of themselves though). I try to be a respectful person. IDK about "nice" though. I would classify one of my friends as a genuinely wholesome and nice person, whom I envy and look up too. The deficiency between him and myself is why I probably wouldn't consider myself nice. I hold myself to the standard that I see from him and I'm not there.
I think so. I'm kind and caring, I have really great friends who wouldn't be if I wasn't also a genuinely good person.
I haven't always been but I always tried to be. For a long time I was really chaotic and had some personal issues that made it hard for me to like actually follow through with it. But I worked on myself a lot and I continue to. I still fuck up and I'm sure there's people who think I'm a dick. But for the most part I'm a nice, kind person