Had to double-check the community name on this one π
this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2024
390 points (98.3% liked)
The Onion
4158 readers
20 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
I almost ate the onion as well.
They should recruit and assemble a flame thrower unit to fight the fire with fire.
That is actually a legit technique used by firefighters
Forest fire fighters ... the method of purposely burning a section of forest in front of a moving forest fire to starve or stop the fire from otherwise spreading uncontrollably.
But what I've seen come out of Texas, they would legitimately try to point their flame throwers directly at a fire to try to kill it with fire.
The headline about the mayor of New York ordering the NYPD to shoot floodwater if it doesnβt disperse was funnier.
The American way π«‘
Invading it for ~~it's oil~~ freedom?
Did somebody sayβ¦oil?
eagle screech
They should ask the trees what they were wearing and then tell them that a spark is a beautiful living thing. If they're not willing to let an innocent little spark become a beautiful little flame, then the trees and anyone who helped them are all murderers.
What if they got cops to point their guns at it and scream, "GET ON THE GROUND!"? I bet that'd work better.
Choke it!
βWe donβt need guns we need fire extinguishers.β
A quote that will live on longer than most Palestinians.
Have we tried nuking them?
"You wanna put out an oil fire, Sir, you set off a bigger explosion right next to it. Sucks away the oxygen. Snuffs the flame."
"Price, you been locked away too long. Better get your mind right, son."
"Shepherd, are you willing to do what is necessary to win?"
"Always"
Would be better than what he's using them for now.
I mean, he does have a grudge against trees