I've broken up with people for exactly this reason. There were tears, but it had to be done. The trapped feeling is the key. If she refuses to budge then it's pretty clear your relationship styles are incompatible.
this post was submitted on 23 Jun 2023
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Polyamory
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This is an old post but well I'm here
we close down the relationship because she doesnt feel secure enough, which was also a completely valid request
No it wasn't. Her options there were leave the relationship or seek therapy. Asking you to change the relationship model to something you don't want is a reach. Rookie mistake I understand how it happened. But there's your problem. This person can't or won't do non monogamy. If you want non monogamy, leave.
It's fine if she doesn't want to date anyone else. I know a couple where the one of them doesn't, and the other has a sprawling polycule. They're happy
It's not fine if she wants to control what you do. She will never be secure like that and you will be miserable.
I dated someone who was very insecure and controlling. It was horrible. Nothing was ever enough and their metamours suffered.
Eventually they had some breakthroughs in therapy and now are extremely poly, but they had to get there themselves. Trying to control other people to make themselves feel secure was doomed.
Couple therapy if you have the money. Definitely helped me and my SO to work it out.
Like Indomora said, it seems like you and your partner want different things.
If you don't want to break up, I would suggest telling your partner how important this is to you.
She says that she'd be more open to it when you're both more secure. Okay, then try finding pre-defined times in the future that you both can agree on to discuss this further. That will make this less of a fantasy, and more measurable.
Good luck