This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/getmotivated by /u/toendrasid on 2023-12-11 19:34:35+00:00.
For years, I was the quiet guy with no friends, always tired, just smoking weed and watching porn or scrolling social media every night alone.
One year ago, after a particularly intense depressive episode, I decided that I finally needed to change things. I was tired of being alone, tired of feeling unmotivated all the time, tired of being addicted to my phone and just getting nowhere in life.
Now I was in a really really low place, and felt like I had nothing and nobody. But I also knew that I couldn’t fix everything all at once. So I decided to focus on a few things that I knew I could control, and set 3 clear New Year’s resolutions:
- Make 1 new friend.
- Reduce my screen time to less than 3 hours a day.
- Exercise 3 days a week.
I’ll admit, I had some expectations of change but was still overwhelmed at the thought that nothing would actually change.
But guys - these 3 simple things literally changed my entire life. I’ll tell a short story for each one, working backwards to the most impactful change.
- Exercise 3 days a week: I’ve gone to the gym occasionally before, but it’s never been a habit. I decided that it was worth it to invest some money in a personal trainer to get it going. I joined my local Crunch fitness and bought 10 sessions with a trainer. He worked me to DEATH and it SUCKED. At first. But then it felt GREAT. I started seeing results in the first few weeks - I was losing weight and gaining muscle. In just those 10 sessions, I started getting addicted to working out, and developed a simple routine that I could stick to. Not only did I meet my goal of working out 3 times a week, but I usually work out pretty much every day and I’m no longer consistently tired all the time. I actually have muscles and feel attractive now. And I’ve never felt better physically.
- Reduce my screen time to less than 3 hours a day: The first thing I did was take a 24 hour dopamine detox. That meant locking my phone in a drawer for 24 hours. It was fine because I didn’t have any friends at the beginning of the year anyway so I wasn’t expecting anyone to text me. It was HARD - for the first 2 hours. Then it was weirdly easy. I didn’t really know what to do, so I just went outside and started walking. And I walked for hours. And the world seemed so beautiful. I realized how overstimulated I was, and how that really affected my thoughts and emotions. I was in a vicious cycle of feeling depressed / anxious, using my phone to cope, and then scrolling would cause more anxiety - rinse and repeat. Eliminating my phone as the defense mechanism allowed me to actually confront the mental health struggles I was having. When the detox was over, it was kind of hard to keep up the habit of lower screen time - so I started looking for tools to keep me in check. I found a good screen time app, started turning my phone off at really important times (before bed, in the morning, and during the workday), and was able to keep up the habit consistently. My screen time is now less than 1 hour every day, I literally did not think that was even possible!!! And I feel so mentally clear - I’ve started meditating every day, journaling, and finally learning the ukulele that’s been sitting in my bedroom for years. It’s crazy how much a simple thing like reducing screen time has enriched my life so much.
- Make 1 new friend: I thought this one was going to be the hardest. I was longing for social connection so much, but was so afraid that I’d fail at this and just keep being a loser. But I knew I had to do something, so I joined a rec volleyball league in my city. Maybe I got lucky - but this was the BEST thing I ever did. I joined a team of 5 guys / girls who just needed one extra to fill out their team. They were already a friend group, so at first I was scared that I wouldn’t fit in. But they were so nice and welcoming. And I SUCKED at volleyball - but that’s okay because everyone else on the team did too. We lost EVERY game, but it didn’t matter because we always went out for drinks or karaoke or something after and had so much fun. Not only did I make 1 new friend, but I made 5! And have been integrated into a whole new social circle, now meeting new people all the time. I thought I was destined to be a lonely loser my whole life. But once I put myself out there - the universe reciprocated.
I feel like a completely new person, I could almost cry writing this right now. If anyone needs motivation to change their life, especially with the new year approaching, I hope my story gives you the push you need. You CAN change your life.