submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

4 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
I could like Shakespeare pen idyllic lines!
Or is that but a quaint and drawn cliche?
Cliche, archaic, sexist too I find.

When but this hardship ever passes by,
And you and I like lovers ever be,
Will be the day that I release a sigh,
This task complete a payment, it's a fee.

A fee like dowry, no, again that is,
Just slightly gross to treat you like a toy,
That one might buy inside a Target, Iz,
You mean such more than idle trinket joy.

So here I end my heart wrought task I'm done,
No more shall I be needing write, you've won.

top 3 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[-] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I think this is pretty good as a concept. I love modernist takes on classic poetry, but, that said, there could be some improvement here.

Part of what is appealing about "adjusting" classic poetry is shoehorning in a new meaning between the lines of the old. I notice some ... let's call them "distractions" ... away from the iambic pentameter of the classic work. I fully realize that it may be on purpose, but given the work you're referencing, it does more of a disservice than a service. It starts with your second stanza and, while it isn't every line, really makes itself known from there forwards.

While overall enjoyable, I think focusing more on fitting the form of what you're satirizing would make the whole thing more effective as a whole.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Yeah I find it also shows a lack of study of the original material. In academia it's largely believed that the original sonnet was actually written to a man and is about Shakespeare's conflicted romantic feelings towards him.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Actually that would be considered outside the original material. You could never actually glean that from the material itself.

As for actual study of Sonnet 18, this isn't based on Sonnet 18 though it co-opts the opening line thereof. It's a satire of English sonnets in general and their propensity for flowery language describing romanticism in general. It only uses Shakespeare's Sonnet 18's opening line and mentions the bard specifically because he is the largest offender of, and popularised, the cliché.

Edit: though, it is true that I don't particularly like Shakespeare's works.

load more comments

this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2023

4 points (70.0% liked)

Poetry

920 readers

27 users here now

A community to celebrate published and OC works of poetry.

Welcome to !poetry

Guidelines & Community Rules

In addition to the general rules of lemmy.world:

Published Poetry

1a: Poetry posts should include the title and the author, when the author is known.

O.C. Poetry

2a: Sharing original poetry is encouraged, but it must be preceded by the tag "[OC]."

2b: If an [OC] post is requesting feedback, it should also follow with the "[FB]" tag. It would look like the following example:
[OC] [FB] Nothing Gold Can Stay

Feedback

All feedback should be given in good faith.

3a: All [FB] requests should be met with comments constructive in nature. It is okay to dislike parts of a poem, but make sure to explain why you feel that way.

3b: Feedback does not need to be extraordinary in nature. Simply expressing how a work makes you feel is often enough.

3c: Use the honor system. When you receive good feedback, return it in kind to another author. Everyone appreciates knowing their work is being read and appreciated.

As this community develops, these guidelines may be adjusted.

Formatting Help
Work in progress

To create a line break, use two spaces at the end of a line.

To create empty space, type  . Use four of these at the beginning of a line to create a standard indent.

UPDATE:
Some methods of access do not format markdown correctly. I am currently testing various apps and web interfaces to see what does and does not retain formatting.

In the interim, it is encouraged to post text poetry as you normally would, but to include a link at the beginning or end of the post with access to a website or image that retains the formatting as intended.

Other Poetry Communities
Poetry lovers unite! In the style of the fediverse, multiple poetry communities have arisen, and will continue to rise. I will try to keep a list here of communities across instances that are worth checking out!

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]