this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2024
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Work Reform

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (2 children)

it's impossible to be in a relationship and not discuss finance unless you just straight up do not intend to be in any committed relationships.

the easier way is to not be in relationships that you're not financially compatible.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I have been in numerous relationships where we did not discuss finances in any detail. We'd talk about like who'd pay for dinner, but not larger stuff like "are you saving enough for retirement" or less at-hand stuff "is that Netflix subscription really worth it?"

Not every relationship is monogamous marriage with merged finances. Sometimes you date for a couple years. Sometimes you're polyamorous. There are many options for relationships.

Edit: your last point has truth to it though. Finding partners who are financially compatible is a plus.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

It's possible to be in a monogamous marriage without talking about it too. I just outlined how that works for me and my wife as a response to the same comment you replied to.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago (1 children)

My wife and I have been together for almost 20 years and we almost never talk about finances. She has her own bank account, and her own money, and I have my own bank account and my own money. We have a joint account that we both have auto transfers into on paydays to cover our joint household bills. I make more than her, so I contribute more to the bills, so that we have about the same amount of money after everything is paid. Then that's it! She doesn't need to ask me or talk to me before buying something she wants, and visa-versa. I even bought a car once and didn't talk to her about it. She was excited when I brought it home. I highly suggest this accounting method for couples. I've been in a relationship before where we had all our money as a single household pool, and it fucking sucked! We were always arguing about things we each wanted. Anyways, the point is that it's not only not impossible to be in a committed relationship without talking about money, it's probably actually the preferred method (at least it is for us).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I agree with this, it seems like the best solution to me.

I think where this gets tricky is with kids and retirement.

How would you address that? If you've got more saved for retirement does that mean you would retire early while she is still working? How does the household budget work when she isn't working because she just had a kid? I guess you'd just contribute the full budget?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

She always worked, so I never had to answer the kid question. That does get tricky. As far as retirement goes, that's also something we haven't had to think about yet. We both max out our retirement contributions, and save some extra money on the side. I'm older, so I probably will retire a few years earlier, assuming either of us are ever even able to retire. Social Security retirement age will probably be raised to 100 by the time we're retirement age. It's a conversation we've had a couple of times, but never very seriously. I know we're both treating it seriously though, so there's that.