Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Negative_Avocado8254 on 2023-06-22 14:16:25+00:00.

So I 21m recently turned 21 and decided that I wanted to have a family dinner instead of a party this year. A little backstory Growing up I was always close to my cousin let’s call him Ryan (20m) Ryan grew up normal and got in an accident when he was 17 making him paralysed from the waist down.

I came out as gay when I was 19 and recently got a boyfriend to which Ryan think he has more rights and the “one up” since he’s in a wheelchair which I’m not gonna get too much into, he has been openly homophobic, he claims being gay is not natural, disgusting, gay people are disabled and is a sin (he isn’t even religious) when I came out to him a couple years ago he outright cut me out of his life even though I was there for him through his whole recovery of his accident, we haven’t spoken in about a year. This year I turned 21 and made a little event on Facebook, I invited my family and friends including ryan. About a week or so before my birthday my family was at my house as it was my moms birthday, ryan saw that I had a boyfriend and kept giving us dirty looks. Ryan eventually wheeled over to us and said “oh so you’re still a f(slur), you both will burn in hell”. Everyone at my house heard and it went silent, me and my partner were speechless so we just ignored it as we thought it was best not to retaliate and didn’t want to make a scene at my moms birthday. Later I went on Facebook, removed him from the event and blocked him on all social media. My phone started blowing up with texts from my uncle and Aunty saying how inconsiderate I was to do such a thing and that me and my boyfriend need to stop being so “soft” and that gay people are always so soft, I tried to ignore the messages but they kept messaging to which I replied “it’s my birthday I can invited and uninvite whoever I want, he called me a slur and has never accepted me, maybe he should look in the mirror and see that HE is the disabled one here, not me and at least I can walk away from family unlike him” and then blocked their numbers, my parents found out what I said and claimed what I said was “uncalled for” and “out of pocket” and saying that I need to apologise, I don’t think I need to apologise for anything I done, I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, my boyfriend said I may have been a bit harsh on my words which has me thinking if I’m an asshole or not. AITA?