memes

You boot up your computer, you spend thousands over the course of 10 years to keep it up to date and worked hard in your career to be able to afford the hardware to play games on beautiful settings. It hums and the sound of the fans is a satisfying one that quickly fades when you open steam.

Your friends are all online but nobody ever seems to actually be, statuses from always on computers and cell phones giving way to fake signals and hope. Realizing it's just going to be you it's time to look through the diner menu that is steam. You scan your games and realize there's nothing that really speaks to you so you open a new one you've been trying to make time for. 10 minutes into the game and interacting with the game you think to yourself how this wasn't what you wanted and you save and again look through the menu.

You play ComfortGame, one you're intimately familiar with to get a feeling of satisfaction doing well on something familiar. At first it feels warm and fuzzy like a deep nostalgia but that too fades and you realize it's the same game you've always played: the disappointment hits you like frozen pizza.

You pause the game and look at the things you wanted to play and you realize that what you were looking for in the first place was a sense of belonging and favor in a world not your own you so desperately wish to wash from your mind. Then the true realization: it will not come. You've spent so much of your time trying to make it happen that you lost all the parts of you along the way that made it fun in the first place.

I guess what I'm trying to say here in a roundabout way is I just really hate sauerkraut.