Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NotExactlyaMonk on 2023-07-01 19:58:41+00:00.

I’ve two boys with my ex wife and a boy and a girl with my wife, in that order. The boys primarily live with their mom.

I want all my assets to be divided equally among all four of my children. I feel a duty towards all of them equally. However my wife feels our mutual kids should get more % because my exwife has done quite nicely for herself and the boys are set for life. Me and my wife aren’t close to poor but definitely not at the level of my exwife who has always been really good with money. Neither of us pays child support to the other because although they live with her most of the time she does make a lot more money. I have always felt guilty that in effect she has contributed the most to bringing up the boys, both labor and money while i saw them a couple times a year at most.

My wife is a SAHM and worked part time for a while when the kids were about 6-7 then decided she didn’t want to go to work anymore. In essence all the cash of our household comes from me so you can tell we’re not exactly rich like the boys mom. Except the house and the joint bank account for household expenses most of the money is under my name only. Ive arranged for my share to go evenly to four parties and my wife share to go to the mutual kids only.

I will not receive anything if she passes first and vice versa.

My wife thinks I am converting her household labor to cash and giving it to my exwife which makes no sense to me. While I value her contributions to everything she did benefit from living without a job for so long and continues to do so. I do not mind providing for her. So it felt unfair to say I was exploiting her. And my exwife is mot receiving any money from me whatsoever only my sons are.

my wife thinks i shouldnt leave anything to the boys because they already received emotional heirlooms from my mother who sadly passed on before our kids were born. They do not have too much monetary value because they shouldn’t be sold anyway.

extra info: essentially I don’t see why the my son+daughter should get extra. If I had sent childsupport to the boys mom i wouldn’t feel so bad. My exwife did more for my kids with her than my wife did for our mutual kids because I was a very involved parent.