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Do we actually want vulnerable men? | Aba & Preach (youtu.be)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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The video above is a collaboration between Aba and Preach who mostly do reaction videos to cultural issues and Shan Boody who delves into discussions about relationships and sex. The video above focuses on the weird double bind men are forced into by the wider culture and people in their lives with zero concern or forethought into how being more vulnerable affects the men themselves. I'd be interested to hear people's takeaways or disagreements with the points made in the video as there's interviews with both men and women on the topic of men expressing vulnerabilities.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't anyone finds that style of weakness attractive, but I'm finding it very hard to break out from providing a list of complaints and instead processing how they make me feel.

...isn't that how everyone starts out trying to share frustrations? This sounds like the exact "if men do it then it's bad" problem we're talking about

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sure, but i think there's something fundamentally childish about that style of complaint. My kid leads with "x did y to me", and if i'm being honest I often do, but I think I'd get more receptiveness if i led with "I'm frustrated because i got stuck on a phone call with my boss that could have been avoided if I'd planned better".

Not sure i've really thought this through, but my sense is that'll be received a lot better.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Your highlighting the sexism, while calling it a good thing

The point of venting is not to hedge and hem and haw about making sure you are taking personal responsibility for your own problems

And it’s something women are never expected to do when being vulnerable, but men are

That’s exactly the sexist problem

When women are vulnerable with each other, they offer support so that the venter understands at a root physiological level that they aren’t alone and that even if they can solve the problem themselves, they don’t necessarily have to.

You are suggesting men keep doing the exact opposite from fucking get go.

Men (especially according to you) have to preface their expressions of vulnerability with “this is my problem, not yours, this does not burden you in any way, I promise” and then they might get a sympathetic ear.

You’re proudly exemplifying the exact sexist problem.

So of course it will be received better, you’ve removed all the effort of being someone’s support before you started, what is there for her to complain about in your vulnerability, you were never vulnerable in the first place!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I don't think I'm articulating myself well, but that's not entirely what I'm trying to say. But I do think there's a difference between how women are vulnerable with each other and how most men are vulnerable. Can't quite put my finger on it, but the former version seems more nuanced and I think if men could be like that then it might be better