It's my 3rd attempt at writing this so forgive me for being disorganized. I'll try to keep it short.
Basically after long time of denying it, I have came to a conclusion that I have ADHD about 3-4 months ago. I consulted my psychiatrist about it and she says that I indeed have many ADHD symptoms (im 19m, parents pay for everything).
I live outside of US, so attending college is basically someone everyone does and so I picked Management as a field of study (you know where this is going). I had a massive hyperfixation for programming like 2 years ago but because It caused me to succumb to my interest instead of doing homework and studying, I developed a massive aversion towards it.
I have now been attending college for a few days and except for group exercises (they're very stimulating so I have no issues with focus) my focus is completely trash. Lectures being the worst, I found tapping the desk with both of my hands to temporarily help me focus, but after this I feel completely mentally exhausted. I come home and cannot do absolutely anything.
I now think of switching to computer science since maybe I'll renew my interest. Needless to say, Management is the worst fucking field of study I could've chosen since IT TOOK ME A 2 DAYS TO FINALLY GET MYSELF TO WRITE THIS. So basically when I told my parents about me wanting to switch field they replied by listining every adhd symptom i have and always had and complain about it. "you're always bored", "you keep changing your mind", "you always begin most difficult stuff then drop it."
So far my hyperfixation's had been (in order):
- programming
- stock market
- japanese language
And when I asked about getting official diagnosis they said I make shit up, then keep on complaining about every adhd personality trait i have. I told them to read about adhd on wikipedia, they didnt. They probably think im trying to get prescription for stimulants or something to get high idk. Just tell me itll be alright im shaking from anxiety. I couldnt focus on lectures because they were only a little interwsting. I also cant even watch tv series alone for the same reason and everything bad about my life has been about school. only a lecture from economics was interesting to me but i failed at exercises because 1. careless mistakes, 2. different than expected way of thinking that doesnt align with a key, although i could argue that its correct. shshdhdhcjaksjcb just tell me itll be fine. im already diagnosed with autism (by regular psychiatrist during normal meetings lol) but shell never diagnose me with adhd since its too risky, except that i dont even want stimulants just someyhing like guafancine or wellbutrin.tell mr itll be alright im losing my mind here
It will be all right. I have been in a similar and made it out fine. Take a deep breath, step back and try to look at the big picture.
What are the immediate problems? How big are they really (what is the worst that could feasibly happen, is it really as bad as you think it is, vocalize them)? Filter out the things that aren’t actually a big deal, prioritize the rest and work on them one at a time. No more, no less.
Make it a priority to get yourself a diagnosis and a treatment plan. If your current psychiatrist won’t help you, look for another one.
Don’t worry about the big picture stuff right now. You’re not in the right headspace to make any big decisions. If you can put your studies on pause I would advice you to do so until things have calmed down. Make sure you have something going on though that keeps you active and occupied without being stressful or taking over.