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How does anyone believe in monogamy nowadays? (lemm.ee)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Not talking about being with one partner at a time. Talking about the idea of finding "the one" and being with them your whole life.

50% divorce rate. 97% of people (in the US) don't wait till marriage, so most of us have multiple sexual partners prior to the one we stick with. Many have children with more than one partner.

How can anyone look at the world and think, yeah, there's one that's meant for everyone and just one?

Also hope I don't come across disrespectful. If you do believe in monogamy, I am interested in hearing from you. I'm just buzzed and thinking about my own love life and being curt

Edit: Speaking to the idea that it's the "natural order" or default. Not that it can't work in individual circumstances, especially when we've been programmed for decades

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago

Well, I just recently got married in July. We'd been together for 5 years before that point, we survived COVID in a rather stress inducing state.

My wife works in banking, with secrecy requirements. I work in AV, testing equipment that records everything it sees and hears. We couldn't even be within earshot of each other. She was forced to work in her bed and I was forced to take up half the living room with 2 baker's racks of AV equipment. Still went through those two years being able to look back fondly at being able to take a five minute break to scream into a pillow and get a hug after a particularly stressful problem, meeting, or office politics.

I completely understand where you're coming from, but just like how you can't imagine a partner you want to spend the rest of your life with. I cannot imagine someone ever replacing my wife, and I don't even want to entertain the notion of losing her.

well what if it's insert_celebrity_crush_here?
-- that's not my wife, not interested
well what if it's your wife but she never says no to you?
-- that doesn't sound like my wife at all, I'm not interested

We just mesh incredibly well. We both grew up in problematic households with a disdain for our parents. We both grew up poor. We both care more about financial security and safety than trying to get it all. I feel like we're a team, at all times. Not having her beside me would be like playing football with only half the players.

I will say, this is gonna sound weird but stick with me. Don't... don't chase a monogamous relationship.

I think too many people get hooked on this idea that you must have a partner. You must marry before you hit 35. You must fuck before you hit 19. Just don't think so hard about it. Geography, life events, mistakes, opportunities, are all at place with literally everyone at all times. COVID especially through a wrench in every life plan in America. I feel so bad for anyone who hadn't gone through college yet. Just... find enjoyment where you can and balance that with building your future and if both those points can be met with the same activity. DO IT. Whether it's a partner that you can't live without and you wanna keep, or a group you can't live without. You need both those points in life. Do whatever makes sense.