this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2023
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Misanthropy brews. Sorry if I've seemed pissed off lately, but I have been. I hope it's just the nicotine withdrawal.
I keep getting reminded in AA that many of the people there are super ill. Both by members and the ill people with their awful behaviour. A lot of misgendering and ridicule or creepy comments about my appearance. It's been mostly good for me, as it's developing a routine and meeting other sober people, but I'm having doubts about staying long term like some of the cultists as I call them. The whole idea of getting people to sponsor each other is quite problematic, as they have zero training and there is no training or place to complain about someone being really bad at it except to other members, and then you're kinda breaking the anonymity. Nothing's perfect and it definitely works for a lot of people, but there's also a pretty low retention rate in the program. I won't throw in the towel yet, but I've definitely narrowed my scope and actual places I can feel safe without getting resentful or angry with someone else in the room, which is exactly what we're told to avoid. We're supposed to turn the other cheek and try and help that person, but they're a creep, they're obviously going to take it the wrong way.
end rant.
has anyone else had any experience with these anonymous groups?
I haven’t. But I have heard complaints about new women frequently being creeped or preyed on by more established members. They call it uhh… the 13th step? It really doesn’t seem productive to put really ill and vulnerable people all in together.
All I can say is go with your gut and don’t turn the other cheek to creepy or disrespectful behaviour. That’s your self preservation speaking. Perhaps see about a women’s group (if they behave any better that is).
Yeah the women in the program are generally better behaved . There's just not many specific women's groups and some of them are very not welcoming of trans women. I'm supposed to feel empowered and closer to my higher power after meetings, but mostly I'm just fucking annoyed now lmao. Oh well, I've stopped drinking, stopped smoking weed and stopped vaping. But I was told not to stop vaping and I stopped smoking weed ages ago, but I needed something to replace drinking with other pissheads on the internet and it has done that.
I've read a few scientifically based books about AA programs and everything you experienced as being problematic has been documented .
But there are other problems too, they teach people to be weak , they teach that all problems are equal ( when they are not ) , they use pseudoscientific/religious jargon
AA is also seen as all a person ever needs when most people would benefit from seeking a qualified counsellor or cbt therapist when they have outgrown AA
they teach that people will never be better ( when the fact is they will )
AA is good in that it can provide a friendship support group, it can be non-judgemental, it is free
Yeah the whole being powerless forever is fine for some. Some people really do bottom out and let alcohol cause major problems in their lives. They can't be better and really need a solution.
I haven't done that, nor do I have the shitty character flaws you're supposed to ask your higher power to remove or harbour a lot of resentments. The ones I have, I've been told by members to seek professional help for, well duh. People drink because they're traumatised. No amount of saying the serenity prayer is going to make me get over some things. I don't need to make amends either, I've never fucked anyone over or slept around. Sure I missed a couple of things cos I was hungover, and my family and friends were concerned about my health, but they were pretty easy for the people to move on from after an apology and my usual lovely behaviour, plus not being hungover and or drunk.
I guess for me it's been a cheap rehab, which I needed. I was in despair and drinking myself to death, but I've recovered. The book is way too old and while being somewhat still contemporary it's just not been revised to accommodate things like adhd, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and the extra pressures of the modern world.
All the cultists just keep saying, keep coming back, what the fuck for? To be called a drag queen or creeped out and told my whole life has been a failure?