this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2023
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Autism

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Warning: Hot take: the longer I’m a parent, the more I feel that we shouldn’t be able to have children (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
39 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Some background:

I am a 35 year old male with a 2 year old son. I was diagnosed this year after a lifetime of struggling and becoming a parent exacerbating my traits.

Today I had an appointment with my son’s speech therapist, because he’s still not talking more than a couple words. The appointment is unstructured play and interaction including mimicking him, waiting for his cues, etc. The problem is, I can’t pick up on communication cues or read what to do next. I can’t communicate with him like a normal parent and I feel like I’m holding him back.

The therapist had to guide me as much as she had to guide him. This was my first time meeting her, and it was all overwhelming and overstimulating. I was fighting back tears half the time and I couldn’t keep and make eye contact as well as my 2 year old. 😭

I feel like my kid is going to be stunted because of my issues. I’m newly divorced and I’m doing my best so my wife doesn’t take him from because “I care for him, but can’t care for him.”

I struggle without routines and children are chaos. I am excluded by other parents because I’m weird or different, and they keep their kids away from us when playing at the park. I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way.

Everything is always so overwhelming and I struggle to not have panic attacks. How am I supposed to help when he gets to school? I have trouble with numbers and can’t do math😭😭

I just feel like giving up. I don’t know what to do

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I didn’t read other comments, I just came to say this: for your child it doesn’t matter what you lack or what you are not able to give him. With a healthy relation, full of acceptance of your own problems that child will respect you no matter what because you will teach him things no other parent would: that everyone has some difficulties in life and it’s a matter of your own decisions how you deal with it.

Kids love their parents in so much shit situations that it’s unbelievable. If you love that little human they will love you back no matter what.

I have some speech problems like stuttering and more and my son never considered it as a problem, because that’s who I am and that’s how I speak.

That’s also something kids do that we adults don’t, they take everything as is without questioning it. Dad sometimes can’t pronounce everything like others and that’s how it is. They don’t judge whether it’s bad or good. It is what it is.

If you try being a good parent (and parents who fear being a bad parent usually are good) it’s gonna be all right.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Glad you said this because I initially came to say the same thing. The line "I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way" was so sad to read because to that kid their dad is their dad and one of the primary centers of their world. They don't see a monster. Socialization and social growth will come for the little one.

To OP: Just give them love and continue to invest in their growth and development, and continue seeking professional help as appropriate. And don't forget to give yourself grace and space. Give yourself the space to grow and learn and make mistakes, and grace when you do make mistakes or have days when everything feels like it's falling apart.