Lumoura

“Hey Chris, how do you feel about UFOs?”

I’m a very literal person. Are there flying objects that are unidentified? I mean, the Earth is a big place, and there’s bound to be something in the air that’s unidentified. So what? What do you want me to do about that?

Hey, a rock can be a UFO. Maybe somebody strapped a few firecrackers to a rock, and someone saw it and thought, “Hey, unidentified. Yay.”

I’ve been hearing about UFOs my entire life—ever since Roswell, the original UFO craze. Most people today haven’t known a time when conspiracy nuts weren’t talking about them. I also kind of wish people would shut up about them, because, okay, UFOs exist, but so what? Where are they anyway? They seem to be staying out of the way, taking care of themselves. Since they don’t give a damn about me, I don’t give a damn about them.

Sure, there’s always some tinfoil hat-wearing asshole who’d argue otherwise: “But you’re only saying that because you weren’t one of the abductees.”

I don’t know anyone who’s been abducted—alien abductions have never been verified, so who gives a fucking damn? It’s the most nothing-burger topic ever.

I realize the U.S. government has had hearings on these things—but why have they had hearings on this recently? Could it be to distract us? Maybe the real conspiracy theory about UFOs is that they’re always being trotted out to distract us from things that actually matter.

And speaking of distractions, remember when everyone was rushing to Area 51 to figure out what was going on there, only for the U.S. military to warn that if you come too close, they’ll be shot? And then, just like that, everyone forgot about it?

Hmm… seems suspicious.

Photo credit: unknown artist

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