this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2025
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I never really had trouble getting dates on Tinder, etc., but very few of those led to second dates. Of the people I've dated that I met without the help of apps, I probably would've "swiped left" on most of them. As another user said, general human interaction is my current route, focusing my energy on social interactions where I can meet people the old fashioned way: mostly friends of friends. That can range from get togethers at someone's house, happy hours, general meetup groups, volunteering, hobbies and/or classes.
This, I think I had over 100 first dates and maybe 10 second dates. I’m not a catfish by any means, but I think people just come off differently over text than in-person, it can be kind of a whiplash.
Yeah, I used to want to text a lot before meeting face to face, but have learned that almost always means I start to "fill in the blanks" and the person I meet never matches up with my expectations. By meeting face to face quickly, I don't have a chance to build those expectations and am unlikely to feel "catfished" by anything other than blantant lies on their profile.
I think the bigger problem is that the apps really amplify the sense of "there's always more fish in the sea." So if that first date wasn't full of sparks, people often prefer to see what other options are out there, rather than going on second dates to see if anything develops.
With the online approach, I know I'm very guilty of focusing on the other person's "flaws", and deciding they're deal breakers. With people I meet via offline methods, we generally get to know each other a bit more organically and end up having multiple unofficial "dates" before the first official date.
My last actual date was over a year ago, with someone I met offline through mutual friends. There was definitely an initial spark, but it fizzled almost as quickly (mostly my own discomfort with emotional intimacy). We're actually still friends though, and hang out with each other more often than I hang out with the friend who introduced us. If we had met via dating apps, I highly doubt we would still be friends because we just wouldn't have any reason to cross paths organically.