Transfem

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A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
Please be kind and respectful to all.
Please tag NSFW topics.
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Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
Please do not repost bigoted content here.

This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.

Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.

Some helpful links:

The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.

Support Hotlines:

The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.

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Reluctant Detransition (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

16 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I’m curious how other folks have managed life after detransition. Due to mental health stuff (ended up in “grippysock jail” over half a dozen times) and later losing health insurance, I detransitioned some years ago. Semi-recently I went back on hormones, got an orchiectomy (which eased bottom dysphoria considerably), and now find myself stuck somewhere in the middle. I present as male exclusively.

I get that some people may wish to perform gender along the lines of what I’m describing, and that’s totally valid but it is not the case for me. I find the current state of affairs incredibly frustrating: I would like to be perceived as a woman. Or at least part of me does - another part doesn’t care and is waiting until I can become an hero and end the whole sordid business. In either case, presenting as female poses significant challenges, and I’m too depressed and discouraged to even try to surmount them. Even when I was more functional and had the pecuniary advantage of an allowance, it was very clear that no matter how well I honed the art of “presenting” as female, I would probably never pass.

So, to restate the question, how do people deal with the fact that (as those in some quarters of the internet put it) “you will never be a real girl”?

(and incidentally, should anyone be concerned, I'm safe and currently under psychiatric care)

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (7 children)

Gender as dictated by society is fake and that is how we deal with it. The whole point of transitioning is to be yourself, not to live up to someone else's ideas or ideals of what you 'should' be.

The idea of 'passing' or acting in a specific way is not only unfairly limiting but also dangerous for ourselves and others.

Heck there are many cis women that don't 'pass'.

We understand your frustration but it should be aimed squarely at the system and colonial expectations which is what has always attempted to make the beautiful range of possibilities of what a person or many persons can be into a boring grey lump.

Be more, be you, protest the system, fight back, especially with others, push for change. Do what you need to do in order to if not be happy then content.

Edit: Also there's no such thing as a 'real girl' these people completely don't understand science, philosophy, history or anything else we have brought up here. They are dull, boring people who have sad lives and can only feel better by putting others down, ignore and block them, report them if you think it'll do good too.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (6 children)

The idea of ‘passing’ or acting in a specific way is not only unfairly limiting but also dangerous for ourselves and others.

I'm not concerned about looking a certain way as much as, if this makes any sense, being in communion with the eternal essence of womanhood, the platonic form, if you will. I feel severed from this, like I was damned to be a male; all that's left is this desperate longing. Dressing "as a woman", or bullying people into pretending I'm a woman can't begin to satisfy it.

there’s no such thing as a ‘real girl’

I guess we (might?) differ in that I believe there is some sort of "absolute" womanhood (and it presents in infinitely many ways); I just feel disconnected from it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thanks for explaining more. We apologise for acting so rashly and will try to give a better response soon.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 hours ago

That's all right. I'm still exploring how I feel myself. Usually for me introspection about gender only goes so far as "I want to kill myself," so every post is an act of discovering and unpacking and interrogating my own beliefs. (I reserve the right to be wildly inconsistent and self-contradictory between posts 😛).

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