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I tried transitions, is it safe to say I did everything I could and now it's time to say goodbye (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

18 comments fedilink hide all child comments

::: Cw suicide

I’ve known since I was 14 I was trans, ended up just having to suffer till I was 20, finally started estrogen, but ever since than it’s just be disgust and disappointment, I realize my body is just gross and repulsive regardless, like my genetics are just cursed. On top of that I have to same usual dead end job, I’m consider the goofy, unattractive person in every single group. I hate it. Outside of people who feel bad for me everyone avoids me cause I’m socially awkward. On top of not even being able to afford my bills I’ve never had an actual relationship. I’m an ugly degenerate loser by every single metric. I think at 23 my best bet is to pull out my credit card, do some research into a common pistol and its uses, walk into an academy, an tell them which gun I want and for common use etc, than go that parking lot I picked outside of town and pull the trigger. I picked it specifically cause it’s empty, no one but first responders will find me. I just feel so horrible but I’ve been in pain so long I honestly feel :::

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Idk, 20 year old me wouldn’t have minded not seeing the 23 year old version of myself. I feel like things will just get sadder and worse

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

At 23 I was miserable but managed to survive. Early 30s I had a job that teenage me would have begged for and thought unattainable.

I'm in my mid 40s now. Starting life over from scratch (don't own any furniture, dishes, don't have any friends). I'm depressed as hell nearly everyday and working a dead end job.

But my life of experiences has shown me that shit changes without warning. And plenty of other people didn't 'make it' till they were my age. So I'm still here, hoping that something will finally work out in my favor.

Life is a rollercoaster, don't assume the bottom of the drop is the whole ride.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

you're probably just not your own type. that or you have to unlearn some toxic beauty standards in therapy.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

I didn't say it gets progressively better as you go through your 20s. The 20s is about trying things a an adult, making mistakes, sometimes suffering the consequences of those mistakes, but most importantly learning from them. Make no mistake that there are parts of your 20s that suck. As an example, its not unusual to have brushes with the legal system in your 20s. Those are very sobering.

I feel like things will just get sadder and worse

I think that can be a natural reaction you feel that way. Your sample size is too small. Imagine watching a movie only 20% through then leaving the theater each time at the 20% mark. Movies would be very unsatisfying and so many of the plot points introduced would make no sense or have no relevance. You'd have some of the world building in the story, but not enjoy seeing how your understanding of that movie's world play's to the protagonists advantage. If you described your behavior to friends about leaving 20% into every movie, then being unsatisfied with the movie, they'd look at you like you're crazy.

Don't leave 20% through life. It gets exciting in the second act, and the big payoff is in the third act. Please hang around with us and see how it comes out.