Lemmy reacts to a non-sexualized silly outfit pic in a totally normal way…
Previous posts in this series…
- incredible find: https://lemmy.cafe/post/10217719
- epic ratio: https://lemmy.cafe/post/9597634
- lemmy is a worse platform for women than reddit was: https://lemmy.cafe/post/4821164
Related to the previous posts bit, but I remember first seeing the Man vs. Bear memes.
I'll admit it was hard not to take it personally at first, because even if you agreed with the core of the message, it feels like you're being lumped in with the worst of menkind for no good reason. That's probably why the reaction was so toxic, because people just replied with their gut reaction, which was to take offence...
But upon giving it a bit of thought, I realised that as a guy who's lived in some dodgy areas, I think I too would oftentimes prefer to take my chances with a bear than alone with a stranger at night - not cause I think I'd beat the bear, but at least you know what the bear's probably gonna do...
And if I feel that way being a man, then considering (on average) women are weaker than men of the same build, I can see why women would feel that way too.
Indian metal band Bloodywood has the best take on the "all men" issue:
The patriarchy privileges every man, which means every man needs to fight the system. If every man who hears the message and isn't an abuser stands up and does something, we can end the patriarchy. It's not "every man is guilty", it's "every man is responsible, and we can end it together."
And the rest of the song is about punching rapists.
I agree with this and I have absolutely no desire to undermine the problems that women face. However I think it is also important to understand how many men also feel oppressed by the patriarchy as well. Obviously women have been and continue to be oppressed to a far greater and much more literal degree, but so many men feel this immense pressure to "be a man." This frustration at feeling inadequate because of these immense pressures is what makes so many men as dangerous and unpredictable as they are. I really think this is a major part of the issue, we need more men to stand up and realize that they don't have to conform to some shitty societal idea of what masculinity should be, same as how women have been fighting against their own traditional gender roles. Any man who can feel secure in being himself regardless of society's expectations should help the men in his life to understand the same. Maybe then we'd have less insecure, dangerous men running around.
I know you probably didn't mean it like this, but I'm one of those people who "realized" I didn't need to conform to being traditionally masculine, and this is definitely not something the average person can or should do. If you don't try your best at "being a man," When you're younger other men will bully you, most women will either think there's something wrong with you or not want to talk to you, and your parents will wonder what they're doing wrong. Even people with super accepting parents end up feeling weirded out by "non manly" people because it's not the norm. When you get older a lot of these issues get easier because you can choose who you associate with, but I still get people either commenting or treating me worse because I'm not "manly" enough, almost never the opposite.
I have no idea what to do about this, I'm just saying living as a not traditionally "manly" will have the general population treating you worse for your whole life, and you're either strong enough to deal with that and stick with only the people who don't care about it, or you go back to being "manly"
This is actually literally exactly what I'm talking about. We need more people to realize that not conforming to gender roles, masculine or feminine, does not make you a worse person. How many terrible men do you think wanted to express themselves their way but had that individuality beaten out of them? What do you think that does to a person? I am certain there is a good portion of men who learned very early on to hate men who do not behave as men should, and therefore hate themselves for not conforming to this ideal. I'm sure these men have lashed out in terrible ways which only goes to feed the justified fear people have of this culture of masculinity and the people it creates. Everyone in this is a victim, even if they don't know it.