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NGL aspects of my current life were merely dreams to me a decade ago.

The novelty of having running water on tap will never get old to me, or having a hot shower whenever I want, or a fridge to keep food in.

Of course there's also aspects that make me feel like I'm living in the horror of how things could be. I find myself waking sometimes wishing to have what I had then, even if it meant losing everything I have now.

Letting my reality be wiped away like the sleep from my eyes just to be back then to have what I lost.

But of course even those years back then (and before) weren't great. In fact many of them were so terrible that to this day (at over 30) I keep a small light in my room so that when the PTSD kicks into over drive in the night I can quickly figure out where I am to quickly ground myself in reality.

The horrors persist, but so do I. For how can I can the jewels of life unless I continue the search?