science

I don't really understand what the difference between the fixed and og version is.

The fixed version is slightly is better, I agree, but I wouldn't call it a necessary fix.

You are judging a field specialist(s) on basically their communication skills. We can't all structure sentences well, brainholes work differently, wording thoughts is hard.

It's a bit like bitching how a perfectly working shovel isn't ornate enough since if it was it would have been more pleasant to work with - it's prob true but it's such a low gain 'nice-to-have' feature people generally don't bother with it.

Imho narratives need to be pleasant and/or artistic, eg I expect a novel to be written good (tho absolutely not a huge point for me), I don't expect that from a game theory book, I expect it to be correct. (Another example might be how stupidity convoluted laws/contracts/t&a are written.)

What I kinda demand (only slightly irrationally or at least to an impractical extend) is that the subject is conveyed in an exact manner. I expect exact communicating overall.

And the og text you quoted is exact.

Oh ... and at both ends it's literacy - their (+to some extend whoever proofread it) literacy levels shows how eloquently they conveyed their data & thoughts, your literacy level shows how you though they are contradicting themselves.