Excellent Reads

1539 readers

1 users here now

Are you tired of clickbait and the current state of journalism? This community is meant to remind you that excellent journalism still happens. While not sticking to a specific topic, the focus will be on high-quality articles and discussion around their topics.

Politics is allowed, but should not be the main focus of the community.

Submissions should be articles of medium length or longer. As in, it should take you 5 minutes or more to read it. Article series’ would also qualify.

Please either submit an archive link, or include it in your summary.

Rules:

Common Sense. Civility, etc.
Server rules.

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

Iliveonsaturdays

[email protected]

AwesomeLowlander

296

I Am Not Always Very Attached To Being Alive: Living With Passive Suicidal Ideation (theoutline.com)

submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/longreads

44 comments fedilink hide all child comments

At 27, I’ve settled into a comfortable coexistence with my suicidality. We’ve made peace, or at least a temporary accord negotiated by therapy and medication. It’s still hard sometimes, but not as hard as you might think. What makes it harder is being unable to talk about it freely: the weightiness of the confession, the impossibility of explaining that it both is and isn’t as serious as it sounds. I don’t always want to be alive. Yes, I mean it. No, you shouldn’t be afraid for me. No, I’m not in danger of killing myself right now. Yes, I really mean it.

How do you explain that?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Honestly, if there wasn't so much social weight and taboo attached to death I would've ended it already. I have no interest in any of the obligations that existence carries. Eating, talking, moving, cleaning, biological impulses, feelings, comfort, pain, all of it. These meat-bags we're all trapped in are too finicky and needy. I didn't ask for it and I don't want it. Existence genuinely disgusts me

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I didn’t ask for it and I don’t want it.

Pretty much how I feel too. My dad told me the condom ripped and without hesitation I asked why they didn't just abort me as I would have very much preferred to not exist especially since my parents split pretty much immediately after I was born.

I honestly think my mom wanted pets and confused children with pets. We'd get the verbal love and pats on the head, but never any effort, never anything that involved her taking action for us. At least now my generation is obsessed with dogs and are (correctly) choosing pets over treating people like pets...

Whatever you might think of John Mayer, I really liked his phrasing of "love is a verb."