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Lol, Snikket/xmpp has been suggested multiple times, and it is as good if not better regarding "wide cross platform" support. To get the same with Matrix you basically have to use a web-client or Electron, while XMPP has very efficient native clients.
just looked it up and couldn’t find a decent client for ios. There was Monal but it looks more like a draft rather than a finished application. Things don’t even have padding or margins. The snikket one I won’t even mention, you can’t expect people to use something that gives them visual discomfort.
Visual discomfort because it looks like an slightly older app? What kind of issue is that???
And Monal has improved a lot in recent months, the current version is mostly fine.
You've met an iOS user.
…exactly the kind that discourages 60-something, non-technical family members.
It discourages 60-something nontechnical family members that the app looks like WhatsApp? Are you being serious?
I originally suggested Monal to my friend (who is quite into iOS and really appreciates a well designed application) and she found the same, but then she tried Siskin, and was happy enough to use it to this day.