this post was submitted on 26 May 2024
18 points (87.5% liked)
Melbourne
1864 readers
50 users here now
This community is a place created for the people of Melbourne and Victoria. We are a positive, welcoming and inclusive community. We might not agree about everything, but we always strive to stay civil and respectful.
The focus of our discussions is based around things that effect Victoria, but we are also free to discuss our local perspective on wider issues. Or head to the regular Daily Random Discussion thread to talk about anything.
Ongoing discussions, FAQs & Resources (still under construction)
Adoption Certificate for Nellie, the Daily Thread numbat (with thanks to @Catfish)
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Bit of a shitty weekend. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, so I guess you guys are it. I don't really wanna got into specifics, cause it may not happen and i don't want this to be identifiable. So I started looking at apartments over the weekend. Somethings happened and I'm just not sure this is sustainable. To the point where a small 2 bed unit and 50/50 custody is starting to look appealing.
We've got couples therapy booked for end of next month (something I've been requesting for a while now). Will see if they can help us figure some stuff out.
This is the first time I've said this stuff out loud, so even hitting that Post button is... tough. like I'm making it real or somethin.
Hey man. Coupling and parenting is tough, believe me I know. Among other things the constant tiredness is really something that makes relationships hard, communication becomes really hard and misunderstandings, assumptions, and unfortunately resentment can build pretty quickly and easily. We've been going to counselling for about 18 months this time around, had a break before that and before that about another year with a different therapist. Seems like we are in similar boats as I was requesting it for a fair while before my partner agreed. If I can give you some advice for the counselling....try to go in with a completely open mind, as in don't assume you know everything about the feelings involved, situational history etc. I had to come to terms with some stuff about myself pretty quickly that I didn't even realise I did/do... If you both go in ready to work on things, ready to understand the others viewpoint, ready to be honest...that's the best you can do. The people you were are likely still there, the things you love about your partner are likely still there, just that they're being hammered by responsibilities that no one knows the full extent of before having kids. I hope things improve for you, and you and your partner can have some real understanding and compassion for each other.
so much this...it's terrifying how quickly you can become antagonistic strangers to each other when you're both overloaded and stressed out to fuck. And then you have like, a conversation, and his huge beast of this is the end in your head just becomes this silly misunderstanding.
Cheers. You're absolutely right about communication. Never something we've excelled at. In retrospect really something we shoulda locked down BEFORE putting the relationship of a pressure cooker of a kid.
Hope it works out for you mate. It sucks, but counselling is a great first step. We did it after having our 2nd kid and it helped immensely.
Thanks! Yeah really feels like something we shoulda sorted before kid joined the party, but hey. If the best day to start was yesterday then the next best time to start is today.
Maybe the kid was the catalyst that was needed. It was for us. Our first settled into solid sleep patterns in like 6 weeks, our 2nd took nearly a year to sleep through the night. We were so edgy and grumpy we started to take little things out on each other.
the sleep thing does NOT help. Kiddo woke up 2 or 3 times last night, just makes things really tough.
Sorry to hear. Relationships are tough, especially with kids. Be gentle with yourself and try to respond to the situation and conversations rather than react/defend. Hope the counsellor helps, either way though, from someone who has had 2 marriages end before 40, leaving is sometimes the best option for everyone and life gets to be great again given time. Relationships are absolutely worth fighting for but its definitely not a failure to walk away
Cheers, yeah agreed. No sense setting ourselves on fire to keep the other warm.
Sleep, lots and lots of sleep. If you can get a baby sitter over and just use the time to sleep.
don't worry about bringing the baby into your bed to get some sleep, everyone does it
and hugs