this post was submitted on 07 May 2024
-13 points (33.3% liked)
Casual Conversation
1345 readers
529 users here now
Share a story, ask a question, or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. Maybe you'll make some friends in the process.
RULES
- Be respectful: no harassment, hate speech, bigotry, and/or trolling
- Encourage conversation in your post
- Avoid controversial topics such as politics or societal debates
- Keep it clean and SFW: No illegal content or anything gross and inappropriate
- No solicitation such as ads, promotional content, spam, surveys etc.
- Respect privacy: Don’t ask for or share any personal information
Related discussion-focused communities
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I think it's been conflated with simply "having self-esteem". So many guys (and a few women), are just so meek and weird about flirting or even just having casual conversations with the opposite sex. Like they see themselves as a social burden, but they just have to approach and give weird compliments anyway.
Like, you've seen sorta fugly people with attractive partners, right? Or two not-so attractive people dating? Someone had to make a move, and those people had self-esteem / confidence.
Confidence isn't just reserved for the physically attractive. It's ok to value other aspects of yourself and derive your self-worth from that.
If you're bothering people who turned you down already, or you're too unaware to notice, then that's a different problem altogether. I've seen plenty of guys with zero confidence linger in a convo they thought was going somewhere.
The tricky thing I've noticed in myself is, feeling like a bother or a burden makes me a bother or a burden. Going in feeling like they will be bothered makes me act in awkward ways that is a bother to others. Trying to enter a conversation despite feeling like I'm going to be a burden is similar, I'm just relying on their charity or hoping they don't notice that I'm a burden. Super awkward.
Entering a conversation believing they want to talk but also willing to leave if the vibes aren't right seems to be the best balance for me.