this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2024
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spaf @spaf

Every vendor booth at RSA this year: Powered by world-class Al with a proprietary language model, our product offers unbelievably agile, next-gen threat intelligence-based risk management in the dark net on a quantum containerized blockchain employing breathtakingly advanced data science. Built to be compatible with your SIEM & cloud, its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 7 months ago (3 children)

its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!

this is good.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 7 months ago (1 children)

They're fully vertically integrated from the silicone through the compiler, os, and all software running.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Silicone? I suppose even sex toys need proper security these days.

[–] BingBong 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

To be fair smart connected chastity cages did get hacked recently so their owners couldn't get them off.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

And some of them did get off on that.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Ah shit, serves me right for posting off the cuff...

Though that is also a thing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Don't sweat it too much, I think most people struggle with silicon vs silicone. Silicon is the hard stuff used in computer chips, silicone is the soft stuff used in sex toys and boob implants.

A few mnemonic devices that might help you remember which is which:

  • SiliCON is a semi-CONductor, silicone is not.

  • (expanded version of the previous) SiliCON is very CONventient when used in computers due to its properties as a semi-CONductor.

  • Madonna has silly cones.

On the last one, I have no idea if Madonna has breast implants or not, and quite frankly I don't really care. However, I do know that she has/had a fairly infamous outfit that included a cone-shaped bra. As such, the train of thought goes silicone -> silly cone(s) -> Madonna had silly cones -> breasts -> breast implants.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago (1 children)

And it comes with a free gogurt!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

The gogurt is proprietary blockchain.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I mean isn't it the only part that actually makes sense?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

The others make sense if you drop the extra extra buzz words. Like quantum. Containers exist, the block chain exists, I wouldn't be surprised if some idiot combined those. Though quantum computing ... is not related to normal computing.