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Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text" with a picture of a Roblox Character dressed in shiny gold clothing)
be me like 12 years ago
someone asks me if I want robux
sure!
whats your password
its "ilovebeatles123321"
they log in
actually fucking get a transaction on my account
they buy me lifetime Outrageous Builders Club
800 Robux as well
literally just log out and then tell me to change my password
I still have no idea how my 13 year old self was not scammed
28
spoiler
(A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of Pepe chuckling)
have two dogs
ask them "who's a good dog!?"
never tell them who
it's them
29
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text".)
married, with a six year old daughter
wife hates violent video-games and doesn't want me playing them with daughter in same room
my little girl loves some of the violent stuff, but I do draw the line obviously
she absolutely loves, loves, loves Raiden, Sam, and the Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance cast of characters. Mostly likes Raiden and Sam over the rest of them.
get a phone call from school, saying she was in a fight.
have to leave work and address this mess
principal explains to me that she punched a boy who made fun of her, stood over him and said, "Show me a good time, Jack."
I almost, almost started to laugh and had to brush it off like a cough.
had to ball my fist over my mouth, excuse myself.
"Anon, do you have any idea where she learned this?"
"No sir, but I will talk to her about it."
We made it five steps into the parking lot before l lost my shit, imagining my daughter standing over some little shit with her arms spread saying, "Show me a good time, Jack."
got her ice cream, had a heart to heart, and had to play it down when wifey got home
Kids are a treat sometimes.
30
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text", titled "Altruism", with a close-up photograph of a turtle on the pavement)
Riding bike through town
See something strange on the side of the road
Decide to stop and investigate
It's a turtle tucked into its shell
Hold finger in front of shell
Turtle pokes its head out, sniffs finger, and then retreats back into it's shell
It's a hot day, and there are no bodies of water nearby
There's a river a few miles away, decide to take the turtle there
Ride bike with one hand while holding the turtle
People look at me strangely
Don't care, the turtle is all that matters
Turtle pokes its head out when going fast downhill
Probably the fastest the turtle has ever gone
Finally reach the river
Set the turtle on the shore under some shade
After about 10 seconds the turtle crawls into the water
Looks back at me before submerging and swimming away
Feel more emotion in that moment than I have in the last few years
Despite my mistakes and shortcomings, a creature's life was made better by my existence
Is using our time to help others the real answer?
31
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text" titled "The elderly is wise", with a black-and-white portrait photograph of an elderly woman staring into the camera)
Be me, lonely guy in Britain
Get in the public transport to get back home
Sit next to a lovely old lady who smiled at me
Have a little talk
She tells me really interesting stuff and we have some laughs together
She tells that this day se would've been celebrating his brother's birthday but he is gone
We keep talking
She tells me a heartwarming advise:
'I could stay indoors and think about bad things, instead, I decide to go outside, see things, smile at people, they smile back at me, there is no point of being sad and angry at home'
Actually I feel like if I listened some sort of prophet
She gets to her stop and leaves, we say Happy Christmas to each other
Elderly deserve respect, I'll probably join as a volunteer to some kind of organisation that helps them.
32
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text", with a photograph of a lake in the early morning)
be me
22
visiting parents
see younger sister for first time in years
13yo TikTok kid who listens to the same 5 songs
spend day driving around and listening to music with her
have drinks with dad that night
spend night in basement office
room is below hers
hear her listening to a bunch of the songs I played in the truck
I feel accomplished as a big brother.
33
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text", with a drawing of Pepe driving whilst looking down at a puppy on the passenger seat)
be me
be loser who drives a delivery van all day
work is fucking boring as fuck
get new puppy
puppy is sad when I go to work
have idea
I will take puppy to work with me
Next day put puppy in van
Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab
Take puppy to park during lunch break
Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries
Drive home
Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy
Have never had this much enjoyment of work
Thank you puppy
34
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text", with a pencil sketch of a girl looking at a flower)
finals are near
cant concentrate on studying because a lot of stuff in my mind lately
first exam is on thursday, history.
fuck.png
talk to mom
i love my mom
"i used to love history, fem-anon. stayed up until 4am reading everything i could, it's beautiful"
she motivates me to study thanks to her passion
read first topic
hey, this ain't that bad
be thrown aback because dates and weird ass names
mom comes in room
"i made you some roasted chestnuts"
be one of my favourite winter desserts
"continue studying sweetie, good luck! i know u can do it!"
im gonna do this for you mom. im gonna have the greatest grades i can achieve. i love you mom. i'll make you proud, i swear.
35
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text", with a photograph of a grape vine bearing two luscious bunches of green grapes)
be me
live in california
extremely hot lately
out for a walk because i need exercise
taking dirt path
come across a short Mexican man selling fruit with his son
browse his fruits, they're all ripe and juicy
man and son are both just smiling at me
I realize i don't have my wallet
try to explain that i have no money and start to turn to leave
hear them talking in rapid-fire Spanish
then the man hollers "Senor! quieres uva?"
don't know what "uva" is but i say yes
he hands me a bunch of green grapes like picrel
i try again to say i have no money
then the son says "he know, he say you look hungry" in broken english
thank them over and over
eat the grapes on my walk
literally the best grapes i've ever eaten
if i ever see them again i'm going to pay them 5x the cost of those grapes. thank you senor uva
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Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of Pepe wearing a blue starry wizard hat and holding a star-topped wand)
at a stop light
light is red
"go green.... NOW"
still red
"go green... NOW"
still red
"go green... NOW"
turns green
my-face-when
37
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text" titled "Bug Bro", with a photograph of a praying mantis)
15 year old daughter suddenly got an extreme interest in mantises
decide to buy her one
she cares for it like a baby, honestly surprised at her responsibility over her pet
she wants me to hold it but I don't wanna
eventually she wears me down and I do it
the damn thing looks me in the face
when it's not focused on the tricks she makes it do (jump from hand to hand, etc)
daughter tells me it can eat all sorts of meat
what the hell
feed it a piece of steak
IT EATS IT FROM MY HAND
have been bonding with the mantis ever since
I never thought I could get this invested in a bug.
38
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text" with a picture of Wojak)
my mom left school at 16 due to poverty
never showed much interest in books, music etc
retired last year
has since been reading through all the books I left in boxes at home
her enthusiasm for reading is so pure l feel bad for not enjoying reading that much these days
she kept asking me if I was writing a book and said she could "never do that"
picked up the hint and encouraged her to give it a go, without getting my hopes up
that-feeling-when she sent me a story she wrote about two rabbits who become friends
that-feeling-when it made me cry and feels more honest than anything I've written
How to cope with this feel bros?
l love my mum so much.
39
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of a seal plushie)
Title: my Christmas experience
be me
an 18 year old autistic kid who likes stuff animals
tell my older brother about these round seal plush toys from japan that are really cute
brother probably not paying too much attention I assumed so I forgot I told him
ast forward to December 25th
brother hands me a flat package
I think it's a shirt or something
I open it up I find a very flattened small version of the seal pillow I told him about
I am very happy and tell him how much I love it
thanks brother
40
Image Transcription
be me
(A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of Pepe wiping a tear from his eye)
in highschool
decide to give the quiet kid a chance, he seems alright
my friend and i approach him
"hey dude yeah wassup u alright"
he has like no one to talk to he gives in
6 months go by, we are talking like usual
since i like to talk to lots of different people, people always come to talk to me
also, since quiet kid has no one he just kinda sticks by me most times
overtime, we talk less; other people see that he is likeable and hang out with him at school
eventually, we stop talking
no problem, my main intention was for him to have friends anyway
fast forward months later
schools ended
check his instagram story
its him and his friends from our old highschool hanging out
see it quite frequently now
proud of him
mission passed, glad that he actually has friends now
41
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text", with an image of giga-chad doing a thumbs-up)
Dating a blind girl
All of her friends are blind
Love that she holds my arm when we're out
Love that she eventually got used to my apartment and can now navigate around by herself
Love that her guide dog is super friendly and is always on the job to help her.
Love that her family sees me as a great person because her being blind doesn't bother me
Love that she doesn't use the internet because it's too much hassle
Love that she requests I read new books for her in my voice and record them so she has her own boyfriend audiobook library.
42
Image Transcription
(A 4Chan "green-text", with a picture of Luigi)
be me
9 at the time
playing Luigi's Mansion for the first time
get to the piano ghost melody
develop crush on her
force parents to buy me a keyboard and take me to piano lessons ›eventually get really good at it
fast-forward 3 years
playing the piano at some department store while waiting for my mom to finish shopping
girl from my school sees me
"wow anon i didn't know you played that good"
turns out she's also a piano fag
get her number
fuckyeah.jpg
fast-forward to today
still with her
going to college
probably gonna major in music
my-face-when this all started cuz i had a crush on some ghost bitch from Luigi's Mansion
thanks Luigi
43
Image Transcription
(A 4chan "greentext", with an image of Pepe wearing a pink Wizard's hat)
Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago
Get startled by phone ringing
It's one of my players
Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?"
Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you.
Could I ask for a favor?"
OhGod HeKilled Someone.gif
Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot."
Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them."
NaniTheFuck.mp3
Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?"
Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister! Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler."
Me: "Wow... well, if it will help her sleep, then sure."
Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker."
Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon."
Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!"
I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg
Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)...the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?"
Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises)
I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him.
I am the dumb dumb mister.
