x: How unique the thing in me is

y: How uniquely well the thing in the other person fits the thing in me (this is probably more strongly sensed emotionally)

Examples:

• The existence of my attraction to smart girls: x is low, y is how smart
• My sense of humor: x is high, y depends on how well our humor fits together and how much the other person enjoys my humor

If there's nothing with both high x and high y for a person, then you need to continue focusing on exploration if you're looking for a good match (definitely when looking for future spouse, and maybe some cases of being unsatisfied with platonic friends)

Things with low x can be nice to have. It seems like emotion alone is what can be used for figuring out how they should affect decisions, but I would be interested in something better than emotion alone for this if the resulting process is improved for some people. I think emotion can't be completely removed from this.

I'm thinking out loud a lot with this one

1. Things about the person that are legitimately unique and special to you
2. Things that affect how much you know or infer about the person, such as how much you interact with or think about the person

Being aware of the second factor could help you try to know more people and reduce the chance of hallucinated differentness or specialness of people.

I did not think about this at all before today.

I started having a crush on her in the 2021-2022 school year. In August 2023, she sat next to me in math class. I began to be interested in the whole person, not just her body. Then my belief that I don't want relationships, marriage, and parenthood slowly went away, for reasons that might be out of scope for this project.

I kept on wanting to say "Hi, [girl 1]" next time she approaches the desk at the beginning of class, but I never did that. Each time she came, I gave up. I vaguely remember having a fear of how people would think of the motive or something like that. I prioritized comfort and others' perception of me too much. This will likely be represented as a heavy filter that I got rid of and is intentionally excluded in the Pansystellar Architecture.

Edit: There's stuff I forgot to mention.

• I felt a lot of regret and frustration after each time I chose to be silent. I felt so distant from happiness. This should be treated the same as any other danger. And it should be the one that's fled from. I have another experience that I would pick over this one despite the other experience being more nauseating and unfamiliar. I will describe that experience later.
• Weeks later, we unexpectedly had to change seats, and the girl was now at a different table. I felt so much regret, and I saw the problem of being slow. The way I see opportunities began to change.

Edit 2: First day she sat next to me was August 14. Seats probably changed on August 29 or 31.

To look for complementarity, seek interactions as if they are discoveries of new land. A good goal when there's a group of people (such as the girls at your school) is the "exploration goal": to learn about everyone and discover the highest level of complementarity possible.

If you have the long term goal of finding and dating a person that would be good to marry if that person exists in the group, then focusing on that is much worse in every way than focusing on the exploration goal, especially in complexity.

Some of what we need to become one with someone else (todo: make this more broad) is certain things in our minds and souls. All of us are entitled to obtain these things. Not just your mom, or those without social anxiety, or the neurotypical, or those who already know what genuine romantic love is.

Cell phones were not doomed to remain as big as a brick. Humanity was not doomed to never send a person to the moon. You are not doomed to remain broken.

(This was mostly written for narration when I was planning on making a long documentary about the entire story. Now I want to create something short, which means less focus on small details of personal events. I will need to remove most of the details that are not related to the 2 items of the list at the bottom.)

On April 21, 2023, there was a retreat day at school. It counted as a school day, so I attended mostly because I had to. The retreat was about Jesus being a divine healer. I mysteriously had a lot of mental clarity during it.

[Display a basic timeline of the day]

One moment, I was thinking about the possibility of being healed from my addiction and returning to Jesus in many years, like in the year 2030 or something. A few hours later, I was in a state of grace. Let's back up a little bit.

At the end of the retreat, in the cafeteria, we had adoration. I sensed Jesus a lot. I really saw that I was looking at Jesus. There was also a bunch of priests available for confession, and the guy with the acoustic guitar encouraged us to go to confession even if it's been a while, which probably made it seem more like the normal and right decision to me. I knew about the possibility of going to confession at that time. Knowing about that possibility was routine. But this time, I did something different. Without thinking I would actually do it, I took little steps towards it. I used the examination of conscience that was handed out, along with my memory of the list of sins that I made 7 months earlier, to write down what to confess. I knew that confession would be almost pointless if I did not start going to Mass on Sundays, so I was also thinking about the need to tell a parent about that so I could be taken to Mass, which was hard because I had severe social anxiety back then. I became hopeful that I could do that. Now the decision to go to confession gradually formed. I was prepared. The next step was to get out of my seat. Having strength was more important for this moment than for any other moment in my life. It felt like I was glued to my seat, but I did not give up. I was clinging onto something, probably hope. Eventually, I got up, walked to the back, and looked for a priest. After many awkward seconds, one of the Dominican sisters asked me if I needed confession, and I said "yeah." All of the priests were praying, so she got the attention of one of them, and then me and the priest were walking into a room. I was in a very important place. It felt like a different world. My heart was racing, but I did not hesitate. Also, it was the most in persona Christi experience of my life, enough that after I confessed my sins and said "for these sins and the sins I have forgotten", I then said "forgive me" without thinking. The priest was excited about me coming back into the Church, and the only penance I was assigned was to pray for the person I said I had grudges against. The priest saying the words of absolution was very exciting. The repentance actually being done felt very strange. A few days later, I knew that my addiction was gone for good.

These are to be included as 1 or 2 elements of the Pansystellar Architecture:

• "Without thinking I would actually do it, I took little steps towards it."
• "...I did not give up. I was clinging onto something, probably hope."

This is in a very early stage of development and is not designed for people who are in a relationship. I probably need to add more items. This might become a diagram.

• Prohibition of absolutely any commitment (the word "commitment" is not specific enough; maybe "exclusive attention" covers most or all cases)
• Tolerance for anything having a big influence on who I date or marry
• Fear of fear itself (applied broadly)
• Prohibition of text communication with someone who's not responding, even if I don't know the reason or whether or not there's a technical problem (this prohibition is made possible by the prohibition of commitment, the tolerance for anything having influence, and the fear of fear itself)
• Clinging instead of giving up when about to do a planned courageous task (such as saying hi to crush)
• Focus on finding natural complimentarity
• A lightweight filter that greatly reduces risk of creepiness without any measurable sacrifice (it should exclude things like "I think about you every night" and "you're cute"; but not things like "I like your hair")
• No separation between platonic and romantic (todo: make this more specific)
• Interact with girls I feel like interacting with, even if I can't put my finger on anything other than appearance that attracts me or I don't predict that the interaction will give me something other than short term enjoyment

Project Pansystellar is my attempt to harness the intellectual potential of my journey in which I courageously repeanted, destroyed an addiction, built social confidence from almost nothing, and gained understanding of the path towards having a girlfriend. The goal is to share the current mindset and the gained wisdom in a way that allows anyone to replicate it, which involves pursuing an ambitious level of simplicity, concreteness, and accessibility. In other words, Project Pansystellar will be love and freedom for the rest of us. The end result will probably be a video (effort on this began on June 14, 2024).